Navigating the whirlwind of ADHD while juggling motherhood and personal growth can feel like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube in a windstorm. That's the raw and unfiltered journey we embark on together with our special guest on Millennial Moms Unfiltered, where we share our intimate stories of diagnosis, skepticism towards medication, and the societal pressures that often leave us feeling like we're wearing a mask.
We peel back the curtains on the daily skirmishes with motivation, the labyrinth of medication management, and the unexpected affirmations that come from those who see our resilience as a beacon of inspiration. It's not just about the struggles, though. This episode is a treasure trove of strategies and stories, from harnessing the power of simple mantras to stay on task to navigating the delicate balance of parenting neurodivergent children. We celebrate the unique strengths that ADHD brings to the table—like thriving in chaos and leveraging our broad knowledge in social settings—and how these abilities can lead to fulfilling experiences and self-advocacy.
Lastly, we take a hard look at the grit required to self-motivate in the face of overwhelming demands and the dance we do with the healthcare system that can often feel more like a battle. From Pathological Demand Avoidance to handling the high sense of justice that fires up inside us, we lay it all out on the table.
This episode is for anyone who's felt misunderstood, for the mothers forging their path while guiding their children, and for those seeking a dose of honesty and strategies for thriving with a neurodivergent mind. Join us for a conversation that's not just about managing ADHD, but about recognizing and embracing the unexpected gifts it brings to our lives.
check out our shop: https://millennialmomsunfiltered.myshopify.com/
10% off Sana Life supplements: https://thesanalife.superfiliate.com/ASHLEYP
https://linktr.ee/millennialmomsunfiltered?utm_source=linktree_admin_share
Navigating the whirlwind of ADHD while juggling motherhood and personal growth can feel like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube in a windstorm. That's the raw and unfiltered journey we embark on together with our special guest on Millennial Moms Unfiltered, where we share our intimate stories of diagnosis, skepticism towards medication, and the societal pressures that often leave us feeling like we're wearing a mask.
We peel back the curtains on the daily skirmishes with motivation, the labyrinth of medication management, and the unexpected affirmations that come from those who see our resilience as a beacon of inspiration. It's not just about the struggles, though. This episode is a treasure trove of strategies and stories, from harnessing the power of simple mantras to stay on task to navigating the delicate balance of parenting neurodivergent children. We celebrate the unique strengths that ADHD brings to the table—like thriving in chaos and leveraging our broad knowledge in social settings—and how these abilities can lead to fulfilling experiences and self-advocacy.
Lastly, we take a hard look at the grit required to self-motivate in the face of overwhelming demands and the dance we do with the healthcare system that can often feel more like a battle. From Pathological Demand Avoidance to handling the high sense of justice that fires up inside us, we lay it all out on the table.
This episode is for anyone who's felt misunderstood, for the mothers forging their path while guiding their children, and for those seeking a dose of honesty and strategies for thriving with a neurodivergent mind. Join us for a conversation that's not just about managing ADHD, but about recognizing and embracing the unexpected gifts it brings to our lives.
check out our shop: https://millennialmomsunfiltered.myshopify.com/
10% off Sana Life supplements: https://thesanalife.superfiliate.com/ASHLEYP
https://linktr.ee/millennialmomsunfiltered?utm_source=linktree_admin_share
Hello and welcome to Millennial Moms Unfiltered. Today we're gonna be talking about ADHD, because we talk about ADHD a lot, but we're gonna just dedicate an episode to really getting in there about it. So, without further ado, let's get into it. ["millennial Moms Unfiltered"] ["Millennial Moms Unfiltered"].
Speaker 2:All right. When were you diagnosed with ADHD?
Speaker 1:When was I diagnosed with ADHD? When I was like 16. And I it didn't really do anything for me at that point because I was just like not taking meds and I was just like I don't need meds to do this because fuck big pharma, and really was just on that wave. So I briefly, briefly, briefly, took meds for it and then stopped and I didn't really pay attention or try to understand ADHD until like my mid-20s. And you're currently going through official channels for a diagnosis. How has that impacted your life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yes, I'm going through the channels for the official diagnosis now. Adhd has impacted my life, my whole life, and I'm learning lots about myself. When I was like in the second grade, my second grade teacher suggested to my parents that I should be evaluated and I was, and I was said they were told basically I was like borderline, so like they could treat, they could not treat. I was very high, functioning, very good at masking. I'm a girl, so girls have way. I wish I had the statistics on this like cause we didn't prepare as much as we would have liked for this one. We're mostly just going to talk about our personal experiences, but I know that girls have a much harder time getting a diagnosis.
Speaker 1:as children, we get, yeah, we get diagnosis with depression, anxiety and those are like secondary effects of what it's stemming from. So we are depressed and anxious because we have to mask and live up to all this self-control, because women are supposed to be quiet, sit still, nurturing, not impulsive, all that stuff, and as someone with ADHD, that's not natural for us.
Speaker 2:It doesn't feel natural and you live. You end up essentially because you don't have the burning out and living with like shame and guilt, like there's something wrong with you because you struggle so hard to like fit into a neurotypical world. And I know my whole life and now that I'm parenting neurodivergent children, yeah, I'm 100% way more aware of things that I did as a child that I'm like holy shit, that was my ADHD.
Speaker 1:Like that, like I don't ever, like I do that with Eli all the time would be like damn. Yeah, that was me as a kid ADHD, but I wasn't. Girls don't have ADHD. I know you don't have to feel like this blah, blah, blah, Just control yourself. My cousin had ADHD and he was like he was a boy, A boy and really like sensory seeking. I was like sensory avoidant. So like he used to, like lick his fingers and like he had like a lot of like chewing on his clothes and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So it's like, oh, there's something wrong with him, but like I didn't do those things. So it's like you couldn't, you're just not paying attention, you're just not trying hard enough.
Speaker 2:So I was high achieving, so that was part of like. I was in the talent development program. I was like always had straight A's, I always was social, so I was definitely like high functioning. But as the hardest thing I've noticed I don't know if it's becoming a mom or just as I've gotten older but I've struggled with masking over the past five years Like I feel like I've just completely unraveled, which has been part of the struggle. Like I feel like I'm not capable of doing things that I used to be able to do. Like I just feel like I'm not high functioning anymore, like I don't I hate the term high functioning.
Speaker 1:I use that with autism too and I'm just like it's a spectrum for a reason, because there is no high, low, left, right, it's all colors right. And just because you don't thrive in certain environments doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong. And I think at the beginning, when I started trying to like understand ADHD, I kind of went through those things too and like at work, like why are you not doing it this way? Why are you not doing this way? Why'd you forget this? How'd you? Whatever? But I didn't know how to like understand my brain and how I function. So I just thought I was failing, I was doing something wrong. But it's like you don't have to operate within the parameters of what's expected, because it's all fucking joke anyway. It's all made up, it literally everything is all made up.
Speaker 1:All the expectations made up. Somebody made that shit up. Somebody said this is the way you should do it. And who the fuck is that person? You know, suck my dick. That's how I feel, like I don't care, and I feel like I've unmasked and I let myself be awkward and ramble and like, yeah, sometimes I feel weird about it, but like this is who I am, so fuck it.
Speaker 2:I feel weird about it always and forever, like if I have an interaction and I don't know if this is my 80s year, my anxiety or a cold? But I will think about that interaction all day, and then the next day and the next day and the next day. See, that drives me in, Like I'm like, oh my God, why was I so awkward?
Speaker 1:I used to do that too, but you were weird because of your ADHD, but you're thinking about it because of your anxiety. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't care. I mean sometimes it bothers me more than others. But sorry, I just like burped a telemicrophone. I like the other day I went to the GYN and I worked with her. I was her medical assistant for like four years and I haven't been to the GYN since I had AIM in. So I was like okay, and I sat there and I was like don't say anything weird when she walks in. Don't say anything weird when she walks in. She walks in and I was like fancy, meeting you here. Mind you, this is on Adderall. Okay, I was medicated at this point and I was like God damn it, you just did it, you just did it.
Speaker 2:I love the commentary Do you have an inner dialogue all the time about everything?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you know how, before they on the internet, they were talking about how some people don't have inner dialogues. I'm pretty sure that people that don't have inner dialogues don't have any. That's neurotypical. Yes, you know, because I have a dialogue my dialogue has a dialogue.
Speaker 2:I have the great and powerful eyes up there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you'd be like don't say this, don't say this, and then you have like someone in the back that's just like oh, she just said that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you go like the angel in the devil all up in your brain.
Speaker 1:And then, while people are talking to me, I'll be like yes, yes, I already know where you're saying that. Yep, just get to the end. Is it my turn to talk? Yes, but I'm listening and processing, and I just told Gio the other day too that, like he was like, sometimes you just like make things up, Like that's not what I said, and I'm like okay. So I need you to understand that when you're expressing something to me, I'm like okay, pay attention.
Speaker 2:Your brain jumps to the conclusion.
Speaker 1:Pay attention to what he's saying. Okay, and then two days later I'm like fuck, I know it felt like he was telling me he was mad at me. So I'll be like remember when you said that you got mad, that I left that on the counter and I never put it away, and he's like that's not what I said.
Speaker 2:Zach, some from shame, though. Did you get shamed for not doing a lot as a kid? Cause I did not on purpose, just like why can't you do this and I couldn't?
Speaker 1:Kind of my dad was always really hard on me about stuff, like it was always like good job, why couldn't it be like this all the time? Or like you would do better if you just paid more attention. You just need to pay more attention. My mom used to tell me that all the time you just need to pay more attention. It's like I can't.
Speaker 2:We had growing up I had like an expectation that like I had to get all A's and if I didn't get all A's then I was a failure. Yeah that was I don't love that.
Speaker 1:No, me either. But I think it's an ADHD thing that like I can't remember word for word. So I like paraphrase it, you know, and I'm doing my best, and I'm like damn it. So how I heard it was this, and that's why we talk like that to each other, like what I'm understanding or what I picked up from this is. And then he'll be like no, and I told him I'm like I know it's really irritating, because you're like you feel like I just made up a situation in my head, but to me I didn't make it up.
Speaker 1:That's your interpretation, that's what my brain picked up from that dialogue.
Speaker 2:So I find that I have. I struggle with that with Pat. He is more of he's more similar to you where, like he has a hard time focusing on what I'm saying and like how he interprets it is different than what I was saying. I feel like I'm more clear on communication than he is, but he's definitely still struggle. But not I struggle with my ADHD in other areas not so much, but I've also really worked on my communicating and listening because I always used to talk over people.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's me.
Speaker 2:And I got in trouble for it a lot, and so I've really worked on that for me.
Speaker 1:I feel like in school I didn't talk. If you went to school with me, what the fuck was? I like Cause, I don't remember. But I feel like I didn't, like I wasn't super outgoing and I would have like impulsive things and people would be like damn, that's not, that's not her usual. And then, like in high school, I just it was like the wrong things, like I was going to start a fight about something, but that was like impulsive you know, has your impulsivity got you in trouble a lot.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I got pregnant at 19 with a 28 year old that I'd known for six months. So, yes, yes, it has gotten me in trouble.
Speaker 2:My impulsiveness is more with, like, committing to things, committing to starting a project, committing to changing jobs quitting jobs, buying clothes.
Speaker 1:I mean all that too. Do you know how many times I've like started a club Like? I went to bartending school and made it to the final day and I didn't show up for the test. All I had left to do was the test at the place that I went to every day for like three weeks spent the money on it. I missed the only class I missed was the fucking test.
Speaker 2:Cause it wasn't exciting anymore. No more dopamine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm just like I'm going to do something else. I find that so many times.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like I make a lot of rash decisions. Started I've started.
Speaker 1:Do you know how many? Do you know how many EINs I have? Do you do you know how many businesses I've started? Do you know how many employees I could have?
Speaker 2:And then, two days later, I was like no, nope, I find that I've never done anything too Like I'm not recklessly impulsive, like I'm not dangerous?
Speaker 1:Controlled impulse. It's my anxiety. Coloring hair, cutting hair.
Speaker 2:Coloring hair, cutting hair, piercings, tattoos.
Speaker 1:I used to have lots of piercings. It's always a piercing. I feel like I want to pierce thing really bad.
Speaker 2:I want, I feel like I want to get my nose pierced again. I want my septum.
Speaker 1:It's septum pierced. Yeah, I wish I could pull that off. I don't think I can. I think I don't like my nose for it. I think you could too. I think my nose is too like buttony, so I feel like I could get away with like another.
Speaker 2:This is ADHD in action, guys. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I was thinking about it the other day. And also I still want my finger tattoos that I forgot about.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And then Hailey reminded me of it Finger tattoos. Was it Hailey? Someone did.
Speaker 2:What do you want? I have. So I don't know if you've ever known these, yeah, and then you talked about blowing out. And then the heart blew out, but these are my peace, love and equality tattoos Fingers.
Speaker 1:Joe has an equality tattoo on his leg. Hurt, that's my quality, but I do this a lot. He was like do you want it? You just get a mustache. I was like, bro, I wanted a mustache finger tattoo. I feel like so bad, so bad, but I I don't know I never got like anything Cause I was like I need to be professional.
Speaker 2:It's like bitch where are you professional?
Speaker 1:You know, I thought the same thing until I was like what planet are you professional? So I, yeah, I don't know, I want to, I want to do some things, but I don't know what yeah. I'm definitely a show up and figure it out at that point, jump and build the parachute on the way down.
Speaker 2:That's what I always say, that I never said that I'm like too anxious for like anything too crazy, but definitely.
Speaker 1:I think I'm definitely a small tattoo kind of guy, you know, like I had. The biggest tattoo I have is the bird on my ribs and that's probably going to be my biggest tattoo. I just like what my bird tattoo is. No, I wish I was covered.
Speaker 2:I love them, okay. So back to back to ADHD. So, exploring the diagnosis I've been on. So, even though I haven't had a formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist, I have been prescribed medicine from my PCP and I have been told from multiple therapists that I'm pretty classic ADHD. So I have been treated for it. I don't like. So I took Vyvance, the Vyvance.
Speaker 1:I feel like people have a lot of like adverse reactions too. Yeah, I was not. I really liked Vyvance, but I have to pay for that out of pocket and no, I'm not.
Speaker 1:So right now I'm on 30 milligrams of just regular Adderall, but I break it in half, so I'll take 15 and then by like 2pm it wears off and I'm like, if I need that, if I have something to do later on in the day, I'll take it, and I don't take it on weekends except for now. Like I'll take it when I have to like focus on getting shit set up and all that. But it was, it's life changing. I don't want to say I'm a completely different person, but like I can get shit done, I feel like I would benefit from medication.
Speaker 2:I have a really hard time with motivation and like. Unless I'm getting an obvious like dopamine hit, I struggle with it. But I also I get distracted very easily, which is not just. It's not just like I lack motivation. I get so distracted. I noticed the other day you're running in circles. I've been going crazy doing laundry and I have been saying out loud every time I get up to go do something Like I actually like get the laundry, get the laundry, get the laundry. Like a reminder over and over. I have to say it out loud and while I was doing it I was fully aware of everything that like caught my eye, that I stopped and got distracted by, but I kept saying get the laundry out loud.
Speaker 2:So I didn't go off track, but I was 100% recognizing all of the things that would have gotten me off track and like baffled by it and your internal dialogue that some people just don't have, that I don't understand was like rapid firing other stuff. As I was saying out loud.
Speaker 1:See, I don't know how you can, even I don't know how you're doing it, cause I would have never been able to start a business of any kind. I wouldn't have been able to, I wouldn't have been able to do anything. Yeah, it's, and right now I can get by on doing certain things without taking Adderall, because I have taken Adderall and I've learned so much from doing so many things that I can kind of get through it, but it's not top tier work at that point, and like I'm aware of it, yeah no-transcript.
Speaker 1:I yeah, I don't know and people will be like it's like taking meth and it's like okay, so this is one of those things that like, yes, it might be in the same family, but what's missing from that is actually super vital to making it meth. You know what I mean? And it annoys me that I have to fucking call for refills every month. Yeah, it's really frustrating Because I have to like remind myself to do it and it's like damn, I'm gonna be on auto but people are not aware.
Speaker 1:Because it's a controlled substance. So it's like but who are we really doing that for? Because if you need Adderall, you're gonna forget. You know what I mean, and it's like-.
Speaker 2:That's how I feel, even about like therapy appointments and even like the evaluation itself, like-.
Speaker 1:Because it's not just call the pharmacy, I have to call my doctor's office. It's too many steps who listens to this podcast.
Speaker 1:Hi, hey, Karen, I have to call my doctor's office. They have to send it over, so it's like if I don't call in the right time, then I could be like a day or two without it and like hopefully, oh my God, one time I had a live training and I couldn't get my Adderall because I had to go in for an appointment because she went to a new office and I was a goddamn mess Cause I'm like I need that Adderall. I'm gonna sound like an asshole this whole training and I got it and like I was just so flustered cause I didn't have enough time to prep and I had to go to that appointment and I actually backed up into a mailbox. No, no.
Speaker 1:Do you get when?
Speaker 2:you're like completely overwhelmed. Do you get really flustered and like mess a lot up like back into a mailbox or like-.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I get so flustered and then it just gets progressively worse, and then I get sweaty and then I can't stop thinking about how much I'm sweating and that's how I'm like when people see me.
Speaker 1:If I'm like I don't know flustered, which is like not recently, not so much I feel like I've done a lot of work in being able to regulate emotions and stuff like that. But I'm like in the past three years people that see me just they must be like damn. Like if I run into people that I know like I look like a hot mess. But then it always shocks me when I hear, like my friend Lauren's, like you're like really inspirational, like you used to look up to me and think I was like the inspiration, but like I look up to you and it's like you're not scared to take chances and like you've done so many things and I'm like you don't think I'm a hot mess yeah, my mom told me that like like my like.
Speaker 1:Willingness to take chances is like a huge benefit of I'm like, oh really, yeah, I feel like it yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, it has worked out and I have run a business and there are days where I feel like I am like on top of the world, but I have definitely. I'm saying like the past five years has been, I'd say, the past three. I wouldn't chalk it up to just becoming a mom, because after me, if I was still pretty good, I really think it was the second. A pandemic, yeah, the perfect storm Postpartum depression, like it was the perfect storm of like I cannot. I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 2:Like I can't keep up this like charade. I'm not okay, that's right, I'm struggling. This is way too overwhelming. I can't handle being a mom and keeping up with this house and have a job and to keep up with my friends and keep up with my family.
Speaker 2:Like the demands have just like gotten to me and I have shut down so many times and it's just and I'm so much more aware of like I wanna say my shortcomings and I feel like it's annoying to say that because, like it's only shortcomings if you let it be that way. If you don't like and yes, I don't fit into a neurotypical world Like my brain doesn't function the way other people do. They've had this conversation with my mom. Like my sister definitely has a more neurotypical brain. She's very organized. This is how it works for her. Like she doesn't see the same things the way that I see them, but that doesn't mean that I'm wrong.
Speaker 1:It just means that our brains are different and like. And I think that's like shame that is put on us. Like just by being like, society thinks that if you don't or can't operate within certain parameters, that it's not the right thing. And you have to like, unlearn all of that, just like you have to unlearn fat phobia and transphobia and everything. Everything that we're told that is different is wrong. It's the same thing with being a neurodivergent.
Speaker 2:It's hard for me now, being almost 35 years old and I have said this multiple times to my therapist I wish and now I'm a parent, so I'm way more aware of it I wish that there had been alternative ways for me to learn things. I wish that it was. Hey, she's not just lazy, she's not just this, she's not just that.
Speaker 2:Maybe, she's distracted, maybe she struggles, maybe she needs someone to help her clean her room. She needs like a body double Like I think I love my parents. They did the best they could, but I was not parented in a way for a child who was struggling.
Speaker 1:I was told to just do what was expected of me and I had a hard time A big thing about this is that there hasn't been like new ways of looking at and understanding and we're only recently within the past like 10 years getting to a place in psychology that we're acknowledging these kinds of things. No-transcript, it's more normalized to explore different avenues and, like when our parents were kids and parenting, they only knew what they knew, and it always comes back to that. So, yeah, we were kind of like the test dummies in those situations. But I think that we're in a place now that it's getting there. We're getting there. You know what?
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, I'm. So I make sure that my kids, like, they know that they can make mistakes. They know that, like, I acknowledge if something's hard, if I acknowledge if they need more direction, like. And I asked them like are you having a hard time right now with cleaning up? Would you like me to tell you where things go? Would you like me to tell you what to start with first? Like, would breaking it down be easier for you? And they'll say yes and like, and we explore more, because I don't want them to feel like they. I don't want them to feel so stuck that they can't accomplish things just because they've only been taught only one way to do it.
Speaker 2:And only one acceptable way to live.
Speaker 1:It teaches them how to advocate for themselves and be able to check in with themselves and know what to analyze and ask for, and I try to do the same with my kids. Eli's really hard on himself, like I think his inner dialogue is pretty rough and so I like, let him, like when we do art projects, like it's okay, like it doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to look like mine.
Speaker 2:It that's yours Like. Why doesn't mine look like yours I?
Speaker 1:can't fold it the right way or like things like that and he's just like does that mean I failed him? Like things like that and I'm like no, it's okay. And then today I heard him tell Gio he's like I'm gonna bring my pencils with me everywhere I go, cause I'm gonna be an artist and the kids are gonna grow up and they're gonna wanna be just like me and I was like these are the things I say to him. And when you hear your kids Repeat yes.
Speaker 2:It's just like yes, it's working. And I'm happy with that, and I'm told that she wants to be an artist also. So I think that I don't know why we haven't gotten the kids together yet. But maybe Eli need to hang out, because I think that they would they're gonna have a great time.
Speaker 1:They would get along so well. Yeah, I'll see you after the competition. So when I, oh God, I went so like yes, it's reassuring to like hear it out loud, like from your kids, that like okay, so from what I learned from when I was a kid and things that I needed to hear, especially being neurodivergent and seeing him I'm pretty sure he has ADHD, you know and like hearing those things out loud from him at five, I feel like I'm doing something right in those moments.
Speaker 2:Yes, Well, you're reframing his negative self-talk, which is amazing. A lot of people don't get. A lot of kids don't get that. I do that with Maeve all the time and Killian too. Killian, he's only three, but I know that he's gonna struggle too. I can see it, but in a different way, Like you can see it with boys and girls. It's so obvious, but he cannot like. He seems like he's in another world all the time, Like back to earth, dude, cause I cannot and you watch it happen.
Speaker 1:It's like something good's happening in there. I know what that feels like.
Speaker 2:I know what that feels like so delusional, like he's just like blah, blah, blah, blah and but like I have to repeat myself so many. I'd be like Killian, can you? I have to like get hit, like get on his level, get eye contact with him and I have to make him repeat back things, otherwise In one ear and out the other.
Speaker 1:He might need visuals. He might need visuals Cause Eden, we have his. We have a thing in the morning and it says like wake up, eat breakfast, brush cheese, comb hair and he can choose like what order he does it in. He can follow the list the way it's supposed to be, and the physical act of like checking it off or like flipping something they have like age appropriate, like transitional ones.
Speaker 2:Well he's. He shocks me with how good he isn't remembering, like routine. Like he, when he comes in, he takes off his shoes, he puts his socks in his shoes and the like, the little shoe thing.
Speaker 1:Cause it's habitual.
Speaker 2:Cause his coat where it's supposed to go and he will like shock you with things sometimes, like Maeve couldn't remember the name of a song the other day and she was asking me for it. She's like I can't remember the name and he said it out loud and I was like how did?
Speaker 1:you know that that's how I am too. I feel like I know a little bit about a lot of different things, which helps me, like be a chameleon in situations Like I can walk into most rooms and have conversations with at least. I'm the same way, but I think it's because we like to For five people.
Speaker 2:It's because we like to soak up information.
Speaker 1:But it's also because of random hyper fixations or things. So it's like sometimes what I should remember. I don't always, but I do have a lot of random knowledge that you know in random times that you did a deep dive on that one time, but it comes in handy a whole bunch. Like there really is not many situations that I. I mean, I don't love to be super social, but I blend in.
Speaker 1:You can do it, yeah. So that's a cool part. I like having ADHD. I'm not gonna lie Now that I understand ADHD and I've taken a lot of like the everyday pressures off of myself and stigma is around it that I used to put on myself, I like, I like having ADHD. I like the way my brain thinks. I like how I'm able to thrive in chaotic situations. I can't relate. You'll get there. But you have to like see what you gain, not what you lose from ADHD. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I just even like to the point where I was having this conversation with my mom about, like, so checking things off my list and getting things accomplished makes me feel good. That gives me the dopamine or the motivation to keep doing more. When I see change or progress like I, that keeps me going. So I was talking about making appointments and how hard making appointments are for me because I don't get that same dopamine hit and she's like having the appointment made and on your calendar doesn't help.
Speaker 2:And I was like no, because it gives me overwhelms.
Speaker 2:And now I'm just anticipating that appointment and then wait. Sometimes the appointment gets canceled and you have to make a new one and then the anticipation starts all over again. So in my most recent one I had to cancel my OBGYN appointment and make a new one because of something out of my control and it started the anticipation all over again. It started, it gave me the anxiety about having to reschedule the appointment and even having to call and like do that in the first place. And then now I have to just sit and wait for the day and then like hope that I want to go that day and not dread it.
Speaker 2:Well, I feel the dopamine till it's over. It's done Like. I can check it off my list completely because I've done it.
Speaker 1:I get that too, like I feel better. Not for the past three, four weeks. I've had appointments or double appointments every Wednesday and I'm finally all cut up with my endocrinology GYN primary, like I've done it all. So I feel good about it and I'm glad. Oh, I doctor, like I just been nonstop, it's nonstop and I feel good about it now. But I always have to make warning appointments so that I'm not like waiting for it because I'll sit there and I'll be like I can't do anything else I only have four hours before my appointment.
Speaker 2:It's like bitch only have four hours before your appointment.
Speaker 1:Logically, you know that you can do all of the things before but you get stuck in it.
Speaker 1:So I make early appointments, I make sure it's all out of the way early and then I feel good after it's done. Ok, so what's something that isn't high dopamine but needs to get done? Ok, folding laundry. I'm going to go home, I'm going to fold that laundry. Fold the laundry. Yeah, I got something else done. So what's something that is still pretty low dopamine, but I'm going to feel good after I do it. You know, prioritize my tasks in that way, so things that take more, are more draining, not necessarily more physically exhaustive or mentally exhaustive can get done. Right, get those done and then get your best work in the mornings. That's what needs to get done. Like I do all my video editing and audio editing and stuff in the mornings, because by 2 o'clock I'm like there's no dopamine here anymore.
Speaker 2:Through this, I don't really want to do that, which I think is why a lot of, I think, narrow spicy people do better with their own scheduling or being able to work shorter bursts Like I. Personally think a 9 to 2 schedule is the best yeah that's the best time frame.
Speaker 1:That is Right now. I'm spending four of those hours in the car, so I'm losing a lot of the steam time for that. So first thing in the morning I spend two hours in traffic dropping him off, and then, from 1 to 3.30, I'm back in the car on the way home picking him up, and it's like Fuck. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So I've had to find times outside of my normal productive window and I'm like crap. I know I'm not doing my best work, I don't feel like doing it and I got depressed. It was making me depressed and I know that there's an end to it and I'm going to be able to be back in charge of myself, but right now I'm just like so that sucks, but being aware of it makes it suck less, because you're like I know this is why I'm feeling like shit, Not like. Why do I feel like shit? You know?
Speaker 2:My therapist and I were talking about you just mentioned, like feeling like you can't do anything else if you have an appointment in the day, like just completely paralyzed. I have that problem Like if there's something on my calendar for a day like today, we have the podcast and I also have to take my leave to a birthday party.
Speaker 1:Which I've already heard about three times.
Speaker 2:This is stressing me out so much. I know it is. I don't want to go do anything else today because I already committed to the podcast and that's it. Like that's all I can do. I don't want to go to this birthday party, and it has nothing to do with the fact that it's a kid's birthday party. I really don't care that much, and it's literally down the street from my house, right?
Speaker 1:Just because you can't stop thinking about it Because I have to change my outfit.
Speaker 2:I have to change Maeve's outfit. I have to wrap her present.
Speaker 1:How are you going to do that in time? I don't know, we only have an hour and a half, but anyway the kids have a haircut at 2.40 and Geo's, oh, it was supposed to be at 2.30. He told me 2.40. So now I have 10 extra minutes. I feel good about that. I feel like I can make that happen.
Speaker 2:So I was talking to my therapist about how like I really struggle with like committing to do anything else If there's something already on my calendar. I don't like double booking in a day Like that drive, that like sends my anxiety through.
Speaker 1:How are you doing multiple shoots in a day? You seem so calm for how much anxiety you say.
Speaker 2:That people say that to me and I don't. I guess I'm just really good at hiding it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Because I am not calm, which sucks because it's all inside. Yeah, that really sucks, because even when we first started this podcast and I was setting up and I'm like basically crying about microphones, bernie's, like it's going to be fine.
Speaker 2:And I'm like I think I work really hard at trying to stay calm and I definitely my anxiety comes in like burst throughout the day, but I just like have feelings. I've dread a lot Like I just don't want to do certain things.
Speaker 1:Oh, I do that all the time. It's mostly getting out of bed, like it takes me a long time and I know I'm like, if you get up and you like, take your Santa supplements code AshleyP for 10% off. I keep doing the PSY. I don't do this in life but on this podcast I do this so much and take my Adderall like I can literally feel, and then I'll like sit down and be like, feel yourself charging up yeah it's, I'll sit down and be like damn, I really don't feel like.
Speaker 1:I don't feel like, like do.
Speaker 2:I skin care, or whatever.
Speaker 1:And then I'm like, okay, you know what it's time, but when I feel like it's time, that's when the Adderall kick in yeah, right. So it takes away a lot of that dread. Like you'll be like damn, I still don't feel like doing it, but you'll feel like you can actually move past it instead of hyper fixating on that.
Speaker 2:Well, it's like I read every morning get like I wish I could sleep in every morning, but I have to take me after school and like it takes everything in me to not be like you want to stay home.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know.
Speaker 2:I'm so bad.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:I at least I'm a good enough mom where I get up and take my kid to school, because I really don't want to ever. But my therapist was talking about I was talking about how I really have a hard time If I've missed a deadline or I didn't do something I said I was going to do, or if there's a task that needs to be done and I've already disappointed someone, I do not do it, I can't get it done. There's something that like there's like a paralysis and then there's shame and guilt associated with it and that just spirals. But then there's also this like I have a loss of time, so it'll be like there's something I don't want to talk about on the podcast, or something that's gone by now for three years that I haven't done that I was supposed to do and I forget about it. And then every time I think about it, I'm like oh, I didn't do that thing that I was supposed to do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it compounds, and it compounds, and it's just gotten worse, and I'm at the point where I don't even know what the right thing to do is now, because it's like it's far too late to do it, but I feel so much guilt and shame and disappointment and it like festers, but I so she mentioned Acknowledging it. She no, she meant she didn't even give me a solution. No, not even that.
Speaker 1:No, but I mean like cause, I feel like that, and I feel like I used to feel like that a lot more, but now like being like damn, I messed up and like like taking being accountable for it I'm totally accountable for it, you know what I mean and and like stand up in its face and just do it, yeah, and then I used to I mean I still do, I don't I don't need to do this or remind myself as much, but be like okay, what's the worst thing that's going to happen, am I?
Speaker 2:going to get hurt.
Speaker 1:Am I going to go to jail? Is something going to die? Yeah, no, okay, then go do whatever the thing is, or you know.
Speaker 2:I could probably just do it. I just feel like a lot of like embarrassment. Honestly, it's like I'm embarrassed and I'm disappointed in myself. But so she mentioned because I said that and I mentioned it, I did it in the cover another oh my God. I mentioned a few other examples and she was like have you ever heard of PDA? So this is called pathological demand avoidance or there's other things called. People call it other things too, but it's basically like anytime something feels like a demand, you shut down or it's. You're basically your body stuck in fight or flight mode. Anytime there's anything that's seen as a demand and it's like you have no control over it. Even if you want to do the things you want to do or you want to do the demand, you just can't because it's now a demand.
Speaker 2:And I've been catching myself doing it now the other day I went to go put Killian's juice back in the fridge and the bottle tipped over and I said, pick that up. And I said, no, fuck, you close the fridge. And I was like, oh shit, that was to myself, it's to yourself all the time. All the time I'll be like, once it becomes a, you need to do it like you need to get up. So then have you ever go to that, if I reframe it like I really want to, that's going to bring me a lot of joy, or it's?
Speaker 1:easier. You know what, like okay, so I feel like I have the opposite, because you know how that was like a big thing to be like. I get to, I get to work out today.
Speaker 2:I get to, I'm not there yet I think I have to, you have to say that shit to yourself.
Speaker 1:But like when I say that shit to myself, I'm like I will fucking punch you. I oh, I get to because I'm grateful for it, and like I get the thought process behind it.
Speaker 1:But that irritates me more than be like damn, I have to go do that and it's like I'm not talking shit about anyone that does talk to themselves like that or like feels a positive way talking to themselves about that, because I understand how it can help in, like how the universe hears that, but when I hear that to myself, it irritates me. It irritates me too.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, that was my thought for you. Like no, I mean, I might help with reframing. I've heard from like the research I've done has been more like, if you reframe it in a way that, like you want to, or you get to you, or like so I don't know, I I definitely have noticed it more. So it's like even things that you want to do, but if it feels like a demand like showering, laundry, household tasks, going grocery shopping, brushing your teeth, like I have struggled with every single one of those.
Speaker 1:Is this like in ADHD or it's its own diagnosis? It is its own diagnosis, oh fuck. Okay.
Speaker 2:So then, that makes it even worse, because I thought it was the paralysis from ADHD. Those are all things that you struggle with, so then add the extra layer of it tends to be a thing that neuro people who are already struggling with some sort of neuro divergence have, and it tends to go along with a lot of autism diagnoses. But it's its own diagnosis in the UK. Here it's a profile of autism, so they have different diagnostic requirements. We've talked about this with Eden but it's not oppositional defiance Right, it's its own thing.
Speaker 1:So that's how come. What we're working on is giving him like more control over his schedule, like being able to do his checklist in whatever order he wants. You know, I'm going to give you 10 minutes till it's dinner time.
Speaker 2:They said provide choices like parenting kids with PDA, providing them with more choices, rather than like hey, what do you want?
Speaker 1:for dinner More autonomy yeah. Chicken or steak? Yeah, that's how I which I feel like is.
Speaker 2:It goes hand in hand with ADHD, but it's basically checking your brain, and I don't know if I necessarily have PDA, but just the fact that I have not been able to do this one thing that like is haunting You're also hyper fixating on it.
Speaker 1:And it's also another can we talk about with ADHD the hyper fixations that don't only just come in special interest form. It comes in medical diagnosis, like how many times I've convinced myself that I've had such and such, which is really annoying for doctors, I'm sure, but I won't bring it up to the doctor until I'm pretty fucking sure that that's what it is. Cause a lot of times, like I know that I'm hyper fixating on and I could be creating these symptoms, but then that's also health anxiety with ADHD, or is that just?
Speaker 1:me. Is that like a part of? I don't think it. I mean, I have health anxiety because I've had issues. Well, fuck, yes, but also, but also because I have two parents that died in traumatic ways, so like that's added to it and I definitely, if I don't think about it, it's not there, you know. So I'll avoid. That's the comment. I can't let myself avoid appointments because it's like you need to know if your pap is gonna come back normal. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:You can't push that off for five years, because then you're at cervical cancer you know, and shit like that.
Speaker 1:So that's a comment. I make my appointments early. I don't fucking stare at the calendar, I only put it in my phone, because I don't check my phone calendar that often. And when it pops up I'm just like, okay, I know, this is coming up. I work with myself so like find loopholes to like fuck myself in a good way. You know what I mean. Like I work around myself so that I'm not self-sabotaging because I self-sabotage a lot with ADHD. I see on the opposite of you with appointments Like I think it's.
Speaker 2:I'm not good about them, but I have health anxiety but I'm not good about my appointments.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it, like this, was not overnight. I used to. I've been discharged from primary care offices for missing appointments several times, Mm-hmm, I don't. The past, I swear to God. The past, like two, three years has been when I really kept up with it, and I've consistently. I'm a fucking type one diabetic and between pregnancies I didn't even have an endocrinologist. Oh my gosh, I went to. You know what I mean. It's bad, but I mean, if I always was able to get insulin, I was like I luckily have ins in the medical community that I would be like, hey, can you just like prescribe me insulin? Mm-hmm, If I didn't, I would really have been fucked.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and so, like I said, this is a new thing, that like creating good relationships with the doctors that I do see and finding ways to make myself go to these appointments, that's pretty new because I've been in bad situations and in health care that I did not need to be in, so it was not an overnight and it was not natural for me.
Speaker 2:I think with the misdiagnosis and like the I don't want to say lack of taking me seriously, but just like the fact that I have to advocate so hard for myself to like get anything accomplished is just so exhausting, yeah, and I'm like so disappointed because it's not In our medical system and I'm just like-.
Speaker 1:People with ADHD or people that are neurodivergent in general have a really high sense of justice. So in situations like that, doctors should be able to understand and help us out the way healthcare works in America it's not really like that and it's not. It's frustrating. Frustrating For having to advocate for myself, my kids, like I was a young mom, so it was constantly like I don't think he has autism, and now my 11 year old just got diagnosed, when he should have been diagnosed at four. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I have a lot of rage and resistance. I didn't get diagnosed officially until recently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a new thing and I was young, they didn't take me seriously, and I feel like that's a lot of people's stories and it shouldn't be like that, and that's one of those things that, like, really goes up my ass, because why are we fucking doing this?
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not right and that makes it even more difficult to go work with these people that you're like are you gonna help me?
Speaker 2:Well cause it causes, like it perpetuates, more anxiety Because, like I feel like I was prescribed a drug for fibromyalgia that I shouldn't have been prescribed and it was also an antidepressant and it caused more issues than I was having and all along I actually had a bulging disc and a torn disc and arthritis, but did I ever get an MRI? No, I got prescribed drugs that then I had to withdraw from and the withdrawal symptoms caused me even more problems. So it's like I'm so scared of even going on medication again because of that one time.
Speaker 1:But the thing is like. Another issue that's an issue in the healthcare system in the United States is that it's run by fucking insurance companies, and what they're not gonna do is they're not gonna pay the thousands of dollars it takes to get these scans. But we'll cover this fucking pill, even though it's not treating anything.
Speaker 1:And it is super frustrating that you have to go like you know what the problem is, and there's been several times, even with my mom when she was going through cancer treatment. We know this is the problem, but the insurance needs us to do this, this and this before we get this test. She needs this test, we need to scan her brain for this, but we're not gonna be able to do that for another two weeks because we need to do these two. You know what I mean. And it's like doctors are aware of that most of the time and are like I'm sorry, but their hands are really tied. Or, if you wanna pay out of pocket for it, but like the average person doesn't have $6,000 to pay for a scan and it's fucked.
Speaker 1:But that shit bothers me because of my high sense of justice and I'm like oh, you know what? That makes a lot of sense, because when I see things that I'm like that's really unfair fuck and I get really mad and everyone's just like why are you so mad? I'm like cause this is so fucked up? And everyone's like yeah, we know it's fucked up, but I'm just like I get emotional, I do too, which is actually part of PDA too.
Speaker 2:high sense of justice for people. If you have that demand avoidance, you have a high sense of justice.
Speaker 1:I have demand avoidance. It's when other people tell me to do stuff. Then I'm just like.
Speaker 2:I think, did I send you the video of it. This is what PDA feels like and it's a guy sitting. You did, but now I can't remember what it's about. So it's a guy sitting there and his boss. He's like about to make a video about PDA and his boss calls him. It's not real.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and then he's like hey you got that video.
Speaker 2:you got that video coming for me. He's like I'm working on it right now. He's like okay, we'll just get it done, stop making excuses. And he hangs up and he's like fuck you, like now I'm not gonna do it. I was doing it, but now, because you told me to no, and I get like that sometimes.
Speaker 1:I feel like I used to do that a lot and it's always I have a big problem with authority. Yes, I do too, especially things like police and the justice system and all that, and like teachers, I don't know about that issue.
Speaker 2:I have like bosses, more Bosses.
Speaker 1:It's any authority in some way. If I can tell you to go fuck yourself, I'm gonna do it, even if you didn't personally do something to me. You know Mine was always with bosses and I'm not proud of that. I know it's a problem. I know that it's immature, but like it's not though it's hard. Particularly where in the United States authority figures suck, suck, and that's not me saying all cops are bad. Statistically though, the statistics are the statistics Plays out the same way 90% of the time.
Speaker 2:So I got a problem, Just saying just saying yeah when I'm told what to do, that like if I'm already doing it. Or if someone tells me how to do something and I already know how, I'm like, well, now I'm just not gonna do it, yeah.
Speaker 1:Fuck you. I mean like I got a ticket the other day because I definitely speeded through a red light on purpose to get to Starbucks there was no Adderall involved and I got pulled over and he said do you know why I'm pulling you over? And I was like yep, I know, you saw that. I know why we're here. So I took that ticket and I fucking paid it. He's like you can go to court, you have clean driving record. He was really nice to me. He didn't do anything, but I still wanted to be like go fuck yourself. I was trying to get a cake pop. You know what I mean. And it's like I knew that he wasn't wrong, like I knew I fucked up. So I didn't like I couldn't challenge his authority, but like if there's any reason for it, there's any reason I can challenge your authority. I'm going to happen. Kids are home. Adhd talks. I told a lot of random stories. Do you have anything else you want to add to this? No, we could do a follow up in a few weeks about different ADHD.
Speaker 2:I'm probably have an official diagnosis by then.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, We'll do a follow up after you get your official diagnosis and then we'll talk statistics. I love statistics. Ok, so like, follow, subscribe, leave reviews, tag us in your stories when you listen to the podcast and we will see you next week. Bye, peace sign.