As your guides through the often treacherous terrain of body acceptance, we, Ashley and Brittani, bring you stories from the front lines, mixing personal tales with hard-hitting facts. Imagine confronting the mirror and seeing yourself, not through the lens of societal expectations, but through the eyes of love and acceptance. Our latest episode takes you on this transformative journey, examining the roots of body image issues and the rise of eating disorders with insights from the National Eating Disorder Association. We share our own encounters with diet culture, discuss the heart-wrenching reality of dissatisfaction in women and children, and shine a light on the dark intersection of fatphobia and healthcare.
Strap in for an honest exploration of body positivity and the myriad roads to cultivating self-love. Hear about my, Ashley's, path to embracing the diabetes-induced marks on my legs, and how that act of defiance against concealment sparked a deeper connection to self. We navigate the waters of personal choice, from fitness regimes to cosmetic procedures, and consider how these decisions impact our self-esteem. This episode isn't just about weight; it's about hair, skin, and all the other facets that shape our self-perception. It's a candid look at how vital it is to understand the 'whys' behind our confidence-boosting methods and ensuring they align with our true selves.
In our final thoughts, we open up about the vital role of mental health in the fitness industry and challenge the typical standards of beauty. Delve into the success of "Beyond the Body," a program that prizes mental health as much as physical health, and join me as I recount how boudoir photography played a pivotal role in reshaping my body positivity. We wrap things up with practical advice for those navigating the murky waters of self-acceptance, sharing how 'shadow work' and turning away from triggering media can lead to empowerment. So, tune in, get inspired, and embark on a path to embracing the beauty of being uniquely you.
https://linktr.ee/millennialmomsunfiltered?utm_source=linktree_admin_share
As your guides through the often treacherous terrain of body acceptance, we, Ashley and Brittani, bring you stories from the front lines, mixing personal tales with hard-hitting facts. Imagine confronting the mirror and seeing yourself, not through the lens of societal expectations, but through the eyes of love and acceptance. Our latest episode takes you on this transformative journey, examining the roots of body image issues and the rise of eating disorders with insights from the National Eating Disorder Association. We share our own encounters with diet culture, discuss the heart-wrenching reality of dissatisfaction in women and children, and shine a light on the dark intersection of fatphobia and healthcare.
Strap in for an honest exploration of body positivity and the myriad roads to cultivating self-love. Hear about my, Ashley's, path to embracing the diabetes-induced marks on my legs, and how that act of defiance against concealment sparked a deeper connection to self. We navigate the waters of personal choice, from fitness regimes to cosmetic procedures, and consider how these decisions impact our self-esteem. This episode isn't just about weight; it's about hair, skin, and all the other facets that shape our self-perception. It's a candid look at how vital it is to understand the 'whys' behind our confidence-boosting methods and ensuring they align with our true selves.
In our final thoughts, we open up about the vital role of mental health in the fitness industry and challenge the typical standards of beauty. Delve into the success of "Beyond the Body," a program that prizes mental health as much as physical health, and join me as I recount how boudoir photography played a pivotal role in reshaping my body positivity. We wrap things up with practical advice for those navigating the murky waters of self-acceptance, sharing how 'shadow work' and turning away from triggering media can lead to empowerment. So, tune in, get inspired, and embark on a path to embracing the beauty of being uniquely you.
https://linktr.ee/millennialmomsunfiltered?utm_source=linktree_admin_share
Hello and welcome to Millennial Moms Unfiltered. I'm your host, ashley and Brittany. Today we're going to be talking about body acceptance. This is going to be probably a long one, because this is my area of expertise and where I built a business out of so stay tuned, yes, you did. This is how we bonded initially, that's how we, how we met god, all right.
Speaker 1:Uh, without further ado, let's get into it, okay, so body image I feel like everybody struggles with that. Um, especially in the us ofa and um, our age group specifically had a lot of exposure, young, to content that was fat shamey and like, yeah, diet talk and fat diet fats I the 90s was a was a like you grew up watching.
Speaker 2:Yeah, celebrities constantly dieting, things like ultra skinny front of magazine tabloid covers right um people letting themselves go.
Speaker 1:When you look back at those pictures of, like jessica simpson, when they're like she's a cow, and you see those pictures now, it's like 50 pounds, not even like she looks she's not starving herself anymore. Yeah, I would like look at those and I'm like, holy shit, is that what it looked like back then? Because, looking at it now, she still looks so small to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and and back then.
Speaker 1:I mean not that big I mean, it felt like it when they were talking about it, but now, as an adult, yeah I was like what you know? Like it just looks so extreme to how we used to see it. Um, like I feel like I would look at it and be like, oh damn, she did gain weight. But now I'm like well, how fucking skinny was she before? You know?
Speaker 2:like, damn, like like think about her in dukes of hazard. She was like skinny skinny in dukes of hazard. Um so when did you feel like you first recognized that like I don't remember how old I was.
Speaker 1:I know I started young. I can distinctly remember being downstairs and we were going on a vacation to Florida and I think I was like was it vacation to Florida? I might have just been New Hampshire, I don't remember, but it was some vacation and my sister had like M&Ms and I was, oh, I really want an m&m, but like I have a vacation in like a week.
Speaker 1:But I feel like every movie had that kind of situation and I was like, okay, I'm gonna have one m&m and every m&m I have. That's five sit-ups. First of all, that's flawed logic, because sit-ups are not going to like. That was just wrong. But I was like what 10 I don't know. So that was like the first time that I like remember actively engaging in like thoughts that were just not normal.
Speaker 1:Um, and to start off this episode, I did write, or did look up, some statistics that I want to share with you guys, just to you know, put in perspective what an issue that this is. So these are statistics from NIDA, the National Eating Disorder Association, their website, so you can check all these out there. I'll link it in the show notes and these are ones that I thought were just the most important to think about if you don't hear about this kind of stuff all the time. So in the United States, 69 to 84% of women experience body dissatisfaction and desire a lower weight than they currently are. So that's more than half.
Speaker 1:Studies have shown about 50% of pre-adolescent girls and 30% of pre-adolescent boys dislike their body. Pre-adolescent boys dislike their body. Pre-adolescent, yes. So we're talking about our five-year-olds, we're talking about young kids that are already having these kind of things. So you can't talk about things like dissatisfaction in your body and not talk about eating disorders. So here are some statistics I have a fuck ton of these because there are just so many that are so important, but these are the four that I think are the that really kind of sum it up. Okay, 22% of children and adolescents worldwide show disordered eating. So this means that you don't fall into the category of an eating disorder, but disordered eating as in you will limit your food, you won't eat certain things, you um binge yeah, you binge, eat um things like that. You have a disordered relationship with food. Global eating disorder prevalence increased from 3.5 to 7.8 between between the years of 2000 and 2018 so that's like in our that area of time that we're talking about, where the really skinny and all that that.
Speaker 2:So that increase I was 10 in 2000, so that was right around like yeah, almost doubled like between puberty and all that um, oh my god.
Speaker 1:Yeah, every 52 minutes, one person dies as a direct consequence of an eating disorder. So every hour, basically, somebody dies as a direct consequence of an eating disorder. So what that means is your body shuts down and what you die from is because of not eating the lack of calories in your body. So that is an insane statistic to think about. Um, in a place that most people have access to food or you know treatment, um, it's treatment isn't a whole other thing, because that's fucking, it's really expensive and it's not super accessible. And then another statistic I have that kind of goes to that, despite the fact that individuals with higher body weight have a 2.45 time greater chance in engaging in disordered eating behaviors as patients of a normal weight, such as such patients receive a clinical diagnosis of an eating disorder half as frequently as patients with normal or underweight. So people in larger bodies are more likely to engage in disordered eating but are less likely to get diagnosed or be able to access help because their body's bigger.
Speaker 1:So fat phobia is a huge culprit and has a large part in this disordered eating. And you know access to help. Because how can you, how can you have an eating disorder? You're fat, you know, and I fell into that because even at my sickest I was still considered overweight, and so for that, for me, I was five, five and I was like, so for that, for me, I was 5'5 and I was like 140 pounds, which right now I'm 210 pounds. So think about me at 145. You know, I was not well, I looked like shit, my eyes were sunken in, but I couldn't have an eating disorder, because how can she have an eating disorder if she weighs?
Speaker 2:a healthy weight. She actually weighs more than she's supposed to. Right, so she's fine, my BMI chart wants me to weigh 120 pounds and I will never weigh 120 pounds.
Speaker 1:The BMI chart. So let's start there. This is actually good, because I think a lot of people get stuck on this and doctors still.
Speaker 2:Still Doctors still.
Speaker 1:Well, the thing is it's built into these programs Like OK. So I worked in health care and my husband designs health care software, so he builds epic, which is a emr system. They put in stops that doctors have to fill in in order to get paid, and one of the stops is weight related with bmi. So the doctor has to put something in regard to the BMI, no matter how irrelevant it really is to anything. So the BMI was formulated by a mathematician and it is based on perfect math, not even science. It doesn't make up for. It doesn't account for what your bones weigh, what your muscle weighs, what your fat weighs. It's just weight in general, and that's problematic because fat and muscle is different. They do different things in the body, it's it. Just there's so much room for error when you're looking at these numbers.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And in a perfect world, that's what you would weigh. These would be your, your numbers. I don't know many people that fall into that perfect category and are living their best healthy life, no, and and are in line with the bmi chart like people who I know, who are living their best healthy life, way more than what their bmi is supposed to tell you, because we're not perfect math equations and there's a lot that it doesn't account for and I'm thinking about even if I was at the highest of my normal, I still think I would be completely unhealthy.
Speaker 1:Like I don't think it's realistic for me to weigh 150 pounds right now. Like when I started Ozempic, I was like oh no-transcript, harp on that a lot. So I mean, I get, how do I want to say this? People don't like to share their weight or talk about their weight and all that. And even though I am in a bigger body and I do weigh over 200 pounds sometimes I feel like shit about that. But I also think it's really important when people are like post those things that are like well, how much do you weigh if you're so brave? Blah, blah, blah. I will be like 210 pounds because I want people. It's always like I can't believe that's what you weigh, what, what? Like people don't think I weigh that much yeah, because you don't carry you think that 200 pounds looks in your head in people's heads.
Speaker 2:They automatically think 200 pounds is like huge, but it's not really.
Speaker 1:No, it's not.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:I weigh about 195, but my heaviest was 215 when I before I got pregnant with Eamon, I was like 195. And I think that's like the best my body ever like looked and felt Really don't. I think that was like my really comfy spot. Right now I feel bigger and not necessarily 100% comfy, but I also have a fuck ton more of health issues now going on. So I'm still trying to like get to my healthy spot, but it's but definitely not changes though as you get older, like my healthy spot.
Speaker 2:Now. The last time I weighed this was when I was seeing a personal trainer eating really healthy right after I had mave. I was about 180 and like I was a size 8, 8, 10 like, because my body carries it so distributed so evenly, so like that was healthy for me and I was, and I was like I had a routine, I was moving my body, I was eating healthy foods like yeah, and I couldn't get really below that I feel like I hate using the term healthy.
Speaker 1:I know it's, it's subjective, it is, but like I feel pretty healthy right now, like I got back to orange theory and I, I mean I didn't go this week because it was like the week from hell but um and illness wise, but I, when I jumped back in, I hadn't done any like cardio based workouts since like I don't know what, august, september, september, I don't know but.
Speaker 2:I didn't struggle during that class like I did really fucking good and I was I'm heavier now than I was when I did it when I was on ozempic yeah so I'm like I'm not not healthy, I'm definitely getting shit done, but the scale is too healthy and from a personal training and fitness standpoint, the scale is the laziest measure of progress or health.
Speaker 1:Um, you can make so much progress, but you're not making that progress because you're looking at the scale and thinking well, I haven't even lost a pound yet, or I only lost two pounds, right?
Speaker 2:if you feel good in your body and you're doing things that make you feel good, if you're nourishing it with like the and you're like you're drinking water and you're moving it in a way that makes you feel happy. Doesn't have to be the gym, it can be any sort of movement that doesn't matter what the scale says.
Speaker 1:Honestly, it doesn't. And even if you are going to the gym and you're working out and you're trying to hit goals and you look at the scale and you're like, oh, it's still the same, it hasn't changed in two weeks, first of all, it's not gonna change in two weeks. Takes people four to six weeks and then you'll see, like, some changes and then you might go up a little bit. Like it's not linear. You're never going to lose weight or hit a goal like this. It's always like this. Like if I pull up my weight, um, from my home scale, um, even when I was on ozempic and I was losing weight in a consistent and like perfect way because it was medicated weight loss, it would still go up and down and then it would go up and down and it would always trend like that because it's never linear and it's not going to be. Because of hormones, um, salt intake, water intake, all of those things. There's so many factors that people overlook.
Speaker 1:So when you're weighing yourself every day, depending every day some people can, but it's like what it does to you mentally is not worth it. You're not going to see those kind of changes and trends no um immediately.
Speaker 2:It takes time to see those kind of trends, someone who fluctuates in a day like right, I, I know I do too.
Speaker 1:I'm really like I hold on to a lot of water weight yeah so it's not helpful.
Speaker 1:So I'll weigh myself like the same time every week and sometimes like damn, it's the same, it's the same. It's not helpful. So I'll weigh myself like the same time every week and sometimes it's like damn, it's the same, it's the same, it's the same. But then all of a sudden it starts trending downwards and you have to know what to look at. But I think we put so much pressure on just the number and we don't know how to actually make things happen and we don't understand the relevance of calorie intake and all of these other things that play a factor into weight loss, and we think I have to just completely stop eating and drink water with lemon in it, which has nothing to do with weight loss, and we've created so many diets that just don't make sense. And the base for nutrition knowledge is not mainstream. It's not great.
Speaker 2:No, there needs to be more like things in moderation. I think that we all just need to live a more moderate lifestyle and everyone always is doing like one extreme to the other and there are all these fad diets and people want quick fixes and but the thing is, if you, you can sustainable yeah, you can lose that weight and that's all.
Speaker 1:It is just weight, because a lot of it is water, it's not, not fat. If you want to lose fat, that's a. That's a long game and it needs to be strategic. If you want to lose weight, yes, you can take a diarrhea pill and poop out 10 pounds in two weeks, but guess what? You're going to gain it back just as fast because it's water. Fast because it's water. So how you? If your goal is fat loss, you need to be strategic about it and you need to have a plan. And if you don't have the background and the knowledge of how to do that and where your starting point is, you could really be fucking yourself up hormonally. You could be fucking up your stomach like just digestion, like you could be creating a lot more problems than that's worth yeah, then it's worth.
Speaker 1:And then you have to work to redo all those problems, get yourself back to a baseline to start being able to make any goals that make sense, and all this turned into like a really big like weight loss thing. But I feel like that's like I think, weight loss is kind of what drives body positivity.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, it tends to fall into the weight factor, like where we need to be more like fat positive. But it's not just about weight. It's not just about fat. People who are skinny have just as many like insecurities and body dysmorphic ideas. And and it doesn't have to just be about your body it could, I mean, like your weight, it could be your hair or your skin. Maybe you have acne well for me.
Speaker 1:I already. I have something else that I cannot do. This. This is why, like, I started getting these like reds from my diabetes on my legs and I used to be like, so can you see this on camera? So embarrassed about it and I used to try to hide it and just be like I can't wear shorts because look at this, I don't look like an airbrushed model and people would always be like, what's that? But now I don't give a fuck. I'm just like this is a part of my body. Could I change it? Probably I could probably go pay to get something done, but I just don't feel like it. Yeah, and I, I just let myself be. I try to be like, or when I do start feeling bad about it, be like yeah, fuck it.
Speaker 2:I think this kind of goes a lot Like I mean, there's ways we're going to get into like being body positive and what drew us to body positivity, movements and stuff like that. But I think that this kind of goes along with our last episode. And as far as like shaming, like no matter what people choose to do or what they, or if they're doing something because they have to do it or because they want to do it, we really just can't like be judgy about it. Like, if someone chooses to be a gym rat, then that's what they choose to do. If someone chooses to go to the salon or get filler or get botox or not, that's none of our business. Like, at the end of the day, like you have to do what makes you feel best in your own body and really you shouldn't. I feel bad that there are people who feel pressure to do it.
Speaker 2:But if that is what makes them happy, I also don't judge about it.
Speaker 1:And that's how come, when I go do my filler stuff, I'm not like what did I get done? First of all, that doesn't help my injector get clients Like I want to give her credit for what she's done. Second of all, I don't want people to think like, look, I just put some moisturizer on and look at now. Now I have cheekbones again.
Speaker 2:Like you know what I mean. I have something that you were insecure about and I don't give a fuck about and you don't feel like you don't feel like addressing physically.
Speaker 1:And then you have something that you do feel insecure about that you do feel like addressing physically well, my face is also on my face, so I think it's more like I see it every day. But I just, yeah, I did. It made me feel older, like even though people would say you don't look like you're in your 30s and eden's always like you look like you're, you're like 26, like.
Speaker 1:I just still felt like I didn't feel like myself and now I might be in a fatter body, but I feel like my face looks like my face again yeah so that like that was something I feel like when you go do altering things, you need to think about why you're doing it and like how, how it's gonna change, like because I feel like some people will go get a full body done but then you still feel like shit and there's like points in eating disorders too, that like you get to to that goal weight and you're like I still fucking hate myself and you have to get to the root cause address those thoughts and I think that since I've had to do all that work for so many years that it was easier for me.
Speaker 1:When it came to like getting my chin and all that, that, I was like okay, why am I doing this? How is this going to change my life? Am I really running from something like what am I covering up by doing this, or am I just doing it because it makes me feel empowered and it will enhance my life, like I didn't just go do it?
Speaker 2:no, no, I'm saying that there are people who have both.
Speaker 1:No, I know, willing to yeah, like yeah, some things that you're, but but it wasn't just like if it was 10 years ago and I had the money and like opportunity I do now. It would all be for different. It would not it would not be this story.
Speaker 1:It's just because I've learned how to like, talk and figure myself out in those ways. Otherwise I would have been probably done up. I probably would have got my boobs done too. Yeah, I want my boobs reduced. I like my boobs. My boobs used to be so small and then I had kids and then they got like big and now they're a little bit saggy and I'm like look at them, look at them now. I always derail us by something. Got like big and now they're a little bit saggy and I'm like look at them, look at them now. I always derail us by something just like weird and inappropriate.
Speaker 2:And then I'm like OK, how do we, how do we get back on track from here? So I struggled with my weight ever since I hit puberty. I was a pretty skinny, lanky, normal, average kid Like I had like skinny legs, skinny arms.
Speaker 1:I was tall, believe it or not. Yeah, you know what, like the tallest kid in class, I know my sister. She, I mean my sister really is tall. I mean she's not that tall, she's, she's five, nine. So she's taller than me. I'm five five and she grew really fast like tall, um, and we were always like the tall girls. But people are not very descriptive and they just use any difference as big. So when you hear, oh, you're so big, you're so big, yeah, you're so big that like fucks with you yeah, no, I never got that when I was little.
Speaker 2:So I was. I was taller than like all my friends at school until about like the sixth grade, and then everyone started getting taller than me, and I'm still five two and I've been five two since I was 14.
Speaker 2:Um, I literally have not grown since I was in middle school, but I was always taller and pretty skinny. And then, as soon as I got my first period it was a pretty Recently in therapy we've related it to some traumatic events, but I got my first period. I had a traumatic summer and I packed on some weight and I just got chubby. I just got chunky. I packed on some weight and I just got chubby. I just got chunky, and my whole from the age of 11 to the time I graduated from high school until now.
Speaker 1:I've always just been like the curvy one or the chubby one. I was going to say the curvaceous mama.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm like curvy now.
Speaker 1:Brittany is like okay, so when I don't, don't, when I gain weight, it's like in my chin, my arms, and then like, then the rest, like that's where the majority of it goes, and then the rest of it kind of distributes itself.
Speaker 2:Brittany could gain like 30 pounds and still be like ratios, just like slapping those ratios, and it's like to me like cool but I mean you still, I didn't always gain it as evenly as I do now, like I definitely went through, like I had like a chubby face like in high school and, um, I definitely gained it in my stomach. I gain in my stomach now more, but I I definitely am. I'm more proportioned, so so it does help. I am thankful for that, that I'm proportionate.
Speaker 1:But what I meant to say with that is that it doesn't mean that it's less valid or that it doesn't it's not as mentally taxing and those thoughts don't come up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just Well. I was always the bigger friend. My best friends were skinny, like size zero, size one I was. Yeah, I was always. The time I was in sixth grade I've been a size like I've gone up and down because my weight is fluctuated, because I've given into diets in in middle school but in entering into sixth grade I was buying size 11 pants in the junior's department and now I'm wearing a size 12. So like I haven't changed that much, like grant, like, yes, my body shape has shifted, but like I've gone up and down. I've been a size 8, I've been a size 10, I've been a size 4. I like I have gone up and down. Um, four was the smallest I got. It was in the sixth grade because I was the chubbiest friend and I starved myself yeah in the sixth grade, 11 years old, was my first like I.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got really really skinny for like one year, and then I gained it all back because it was unsustainable and you're also growing and I was a child.
Speaker 2:I was 11 years old, like what yeah um, and it was always like, really like, I had family members working for weight watchers family members on Weight Watchers family members.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I grew up with a lot of diet stuff. My mom was always doing something. But again, my mom had like your body type, like she always had like butt and boobs and like she had a smaller waist, like she never looked fat, like she looked good, but she always was like wanting to doing something like um.
Speaker 1:So I grew up with with watching that um and then I was always the bigger friend. I remember my best friend in like sixth or seventh grade told me I said something like I feel cute, or whatever we're doing her hair. She's like you're too big to be cute and I was like oh, that stayed okay yeah, so that was always a thing I couldn't be cute, I couldn't be cute. So then I was like I hypersexualized myself because I'm like I have to, just like I can't be cute so then I, and then, like I was, I always wanted to be like a double zero.
Speaker 1:That was a thing when, like weather vane was like I wanted to be a double zero, I wasn't, I was a one. I was mad that I was a size one, all right. And then someone I was in home back and I was wearing like these pants, like I always kind of had hips, like I always had wider hips, and then some kid was like if you have big hips, that means you take it in the ass, or something like that. So then I was like I'm an object, I'm an object. So then that's when, like my hyper sexuality, like I am a vixen because that's all I have.
Speaker 1:That's what yeah that's what I've been assigned and I just like and that was my thought. I was like, I'm so hurt by this if I control the narrative, you can't control the narrative. Yeah, you know what I mean. Um, so that's who I, that's who I became, but I am fucking cute bitch you can be cute.
Speaker 2:I'm big.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can be cute and not yeah, I am this and that, not this or that.
Speaker 2:Yes, big on that. I um. I was told by a family member um that that girl pumped her lip gloss too.
Speaker 1:I bet I think she pumped her lip gloss um, I was told that I I looked better.
Speaker 2:I had just gotten my haircut. I thought it looked cute. It didn't, because I never got a really good cut, so it wasn't. Thank you, we're gonna make up for that today. But um, I was told that you look better with longer hair because your head's too small for your body, because you're too fat.
Speaker 1:Very in depth by a family member, I thought you were gonna say that you know, be an adult, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Um by an adult family member.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, I, I thought you were gonna say that something about like your curls, because I remember one time I got like my first like short haircut and I was like yes, and then I went home and I did it curly and my curls were just popping everywhere. My dad's like I like your hair better straight and I'm like okay, white man I had parent.
Speaker 2:I mean, I had, but that's what I thought you were gonna go with that.
Speaker 1:I did not think that an adult was going to say no.
Speaker 2:Adult told me that my head was too small for my body and my hair looked better long because it made me look more proportionate who are you after we're done doing this? I want to see a picture of that adult and I um, so I had that like really early, like I've always thought my head was too small for my body she always tells me my head's too big and I'm like the rest of you look more proportioned, or your body looks smaller, your head's big, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, I don't think you have a small head. I don't think I have a small head, but whatever, well, I, well, I, I do think I have a small head because of that this is right, but you don't actually.
Speaker 1:So I've actually measured my head, because geo tells me how big it is all the time. Um, geo has a big head and I know that he has a bigger face, like his face is bigger than mine, yeah. So anyway, we're not gonna get off yeah we'll get off. I've measured my, I've measured my head and I looked up what like the average head is, and I was within that.
Speaker 2:I bet you're within no, I'm on the smaller side of things because I'm on the smaller side, where you're in the normal range that um custom hat and it was small I can fit into. Like what custom hat my fancy blue?
Speaker 1:Oh, okay. Okay, you can just say I had to order a custom hat. Like for what? What kind of custom hat?
Speaker 2:No, and I can put like a kid's hat on if I need to. I should go get that floppy hat.
Speaker 1:I mean that's not a bad situation, but anyway you have access to more hats.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I had body image issues at a very young age, basically so like, uh, I didn't become confident in my body until like I'll be honest till kardashians made having butts cool like I didn't, I'm still laughing about.
Speaker 1:I had to wear that custom hat because I was not thinking about that I I didn't measure my head for the customer. I know, I know what you mean, yeah, and I remember, like my mom, being like you should shop at Kohl's. First of all, if you know me, I hate Kohl's. Kohl's should not exist.
Speaker 2:I've never gone to Kohl's and been like yes, kohl's. Like Kohl's sucks. Not gonna lie, I was a big fan of the lauren conrad uh line for a while what year was that like 2012 I don't know um anyway.
Speaker 1:So my mom was like you should go to cole's um, because they have. They have jeans for like hippier women, thanks ma. And I was like yeah, you a big booty hoe too, though, so she didn't mean it like that, but after being told I was the best, I was the big friend and I couldn't be cute. Um, and also that apparently I have anal sex because I have hips. Um, I then my mom was like for hippier women. That really just was like I was like you know what?
Speaker 1:I really don't fucking like kohl's um, but that's because j-lo had a clothing line there and j-lo had a butt oh, yeah, yeah, I think I have a pair of j-lo jeans. They're that old or they still make them?
Speaker 2:no, they're they're like oh, they're probably from 10 years ago wow I got rid of all of my old stuff because I won't ever fit into that shit again.
Speaker 1:And I was holding on to this pair of like purple corduroy and they were so cute, I love them, but after I had.
Speaker 2:They were all in a pair of purple.
Speaker 1:I had a pair of like cranberry corduroy from arapa arapa stall they, yeah, and but I was, it was, they were low rise, I didn't need to happen. It wasn't going to happen again. All right, like the hips have just got hippier since the children and oh yeah, my hips it was just not wider since the kids it's just not going to happen.
Speaker 1:Um, oh, while we're on the clothing topic, buy clothes that fit you and, like, if they don't get rid of it, like I went through that, I made a whole post on instagram about it too. I'll fucking share it in our stories, because I did a whole thing and I was like throwing my shorts because they don't fit. Oh, content creator, shit anyway. So, um, I made that post when I got rid of all the things that didn't fit me that I was holding on to. Maybe I'll fit this, maybe, maybe I'll finish this again, maybe I'll finish this again and I just said no and I bought all new shit, and that was like the most freeing feeling so liberating um, because clothes are meant to fit you.
Speaker 1:You are not meant to fit clothes and we are different shapes, sizes, lengths yeah, and like what someone recommends?
Speaker 2:is like a great jean for them. Maybe isn't a great jean for you. That doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, just right. And it's not you, it's the industry. It's so, it's so the industry. Can I just talk about.
Speaker 1:These are the only jeans that I like you have to wash them every time you wear them, because, yes, we've talked about, yes, we talked about this I went the other day literally the other day to go try and find another pair the exact same jeans I tried on.
Speaker 2:They weren't the same material, they won't. They don't fit right.
Speaker 1:They looked so stupid yeah, you know what happened high-waisted enough. The crotch looked funny because they will change distributors. It'll, they'll call it okay, this is the same gene. And then you, they change distributors. But there's a way that you can go online and you can look up, like the tag number, the number on the tag jeans again um, yeah, I'll show you how to do it. I can't remember exactly, but I saw I've done it before because of eden's swishy pants he has to wear a specific kind um.
Speaker 1:So you go online and you put in I need to find the website. In the website you put, like what they are, and it'll show you. It won't say the name of the brand on it, um, but it'll be the same like identification number and it'll be the same make, model, shade, whateverric. So that's a way to get around that if you struggle in certain pants departments Not every brand does that because some brands have their own production, but most mainstream brands have a mass production line that they get from somewhere else and just brand it for their brand um. So that's one thing about body acceptance. I think is big and it's it's important. Maybe not the first step, but it's up there in the beginning to make you start feeling feeling better about yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wearing clothes that make you feel good, doing like, doing something like, yeah, having your hair makeup or whatever it is that's going to make you feel good about yourself. Mine is my nails.
Speaker 1:It's like the one thing that makes me feel complete, but I have to be naked because I'm allergic about myself or made me feel. Comfy in my skin is getting taken away in some way, whether that be because of time, um, allergic reaction, um whatever. I feel like I'm like losing all that stuff and I'm having like to go through like a new cycle of how much do you love yourself?
Speaker 2:you know what I?
Speaker 1:mean. So I'm currently going through that and it's like I thought I reached the level that I was going to be at and you know I won that, that battle. But it's like a never-ending thing that your security is going to go for something and then you're going to have to, like, retest and retry all these things yeah, what do you think helped you get like move towards body acceptance or body positivity, or like wanting to be a part of that movement?
Speaker 1:um, working in the fitness industry and realizing how much pseudoscience um is out there and how much is pushed and how much is faked by a lot of these influencers and all that. I was just like you know, I don't want to become that. I don't, I don't want to become that and I knew that. My thoughts about my body and realizing where my eating disorders stemmed from and like all that, and doing that kind of work with like racism and fat phobia and working on myself with all that kind of stuff, I was like we're jumping ship and we're going to work and work on body acceptance. So I kind of I just jumped into it. I was like I'm going to make fitness programs for like, like, beyond the body. Right, that's why it was called that, because it's beyond the body. It was to check yourself mentally, to move your body, feel good, not get wrapped up in weight and aesthetics of everything. It's more about feeling than it was about yeah outward, appearing healthy to to society.
Speaker 1:You know, and I think that's why it was my best-selling program, because it was like an all-in-one thing. I'm losing my voice now. Um, I'm gonna re-release that, I think, because I keep bringing it up on this podcast and it just really was all like. I hope I still have all of it, because I think I recently deleted some shit, but I'll, I don't know, but that was like a really I'll send it to you because it was really like one of my proudest moments I would say that like becoming I've always been kind of confident fashion.
Speaker 2:I worked in fashion. So finding clothing that like I connected with that felt good on, like I looked good, that like brought me a lot of joy. So being able to work in the industry and like that was helpful, but also being with Patrick. I know that like I shouldn't credit to him, but I will say that like I never I shouldn't credit to him why? Because I feel like you work on yourself, like I'm not only confident because of my husband, but I feel like he started that yeah, for me yeah so he, he was a uh, what's it called?
Speaker 2:like he, I never doubted if he thought I was attractive. I never like felt insecure about my weight like I. I know that he likes my curves, like and that positive reaction to my body.
Speaker 1:It made you feel more.
Speaker 2:Okay to feel yeah so that's where it started um and then also getting into um shooting he was the catalyst.
Speaker 1:He was the catalyst, the word, he was the catalyst.
Speaker 2:I will say I will give him that he was the catalyst for it all. And like getting started with boudoir, like there are some guys, husbands, um of photographers in the industry who hate that they do that for a living. They don't like the assumptions that come with it and all that, and pat could not give a shit. He doesn't care. He's like do whatever you want to do. Do what makes you Like I think it's cool that you do that. And helping other women like see their bodies in a different way, like the way that I saw them, or like helping them realize that like it doesn't matter what size they are, that they can be sexy that was like a huge stepping stone for me and like helped me realize that I don't ever want I don't ever want to feel like that again and I don't ever want.
Speaker 1:I don't ever want to feel like that again and I don't ever want my daughter to feel that way and like, um, so I've really like, by working with other women and and seeing those things, because I feel like I can relate to this is that people wouldn't would come to me and the things that they would see or struggle with themselves. It's like I don't even see that when I look at you, yeah, and then realizing that your own insecurities are things that you harp on might not be the forefront of what people see and you guys aren't different and like, oh, we're all kind of in this together, even if it's in a little bit different ways. I know that really like holy shit, like that was really like light bulb moments, the more that I kept hearing certain things from different people, just like yeah, that's what I loved about like doing hair and makeup with my clients is like I'd get to know them a little bit more.
Speaker 2:They would open up a little bit more, and like you'd find out about what they're insecure about and all that and yeah, and then like the reveals, like, or the emotions, or like the reactions that people would give me, um, just when they finally did see themselves differently. It was like you can have this feeling all the time. You just got to work on some self-love right and like in that moment.
Speaker 1:It is about like the look, but it's so much deeper than that and it's we talked about this on the live that we did about like um boudoir and like what people think boudoir is. And it's not about sex, like it's not purely just being sexual and it's like empowering and in so many other ways. And it's because, like, because you're in a lot, practically half naked in front of a shanger.
Speaker 1:Everything that yeah, you're supposed to feel ashamed about or that you're told to feel ashamed about. You're just showing up and you're like this is me, in ways that you're not usually, and then you see all that and you're just like, wow, yeah, yeah. And it's so much more about the person taking the photos and who those photos are for, like they're for me, like our shoot. I barely post those pictures, and it's not because I don't like them, but it's because yeah, it wasn't for everyone. Yeah, it was for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it for everyone there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was for me. Yeah, so I don't feel like I have to like run through those pictures and oh, what can I use for content or it's. It was for me and I think that's something that people completely overlook and don't understand, like boudoir photography and just how many levels yeah, it's not about the post online at all.
Speaker 2:That's definitely about, like that, a keepsake. I mean feel free to share them.
Speaker 1:I mean yeah, or like if you're doing it to give to your husband as a gift.
Speaker 2:Yeah, valid, valid, valid, but in the end it's so much deeper than and that's the experience for sure yeah, um, so I feel like my, my relationship with, like my body, and I do care, like I, I want to take care of it. But I want to take care of my body because I want, I love it and want to take care of it and I want to be healthy, and I think we've talked about this before. It's not because I'm like shaming myself into it anymore right.
Speaker 1:Have you ever seen that thing that it's like if hating yourself worked, it would have worked by now? And it's like, bro, that's facts. Exactly when you start moving out of a place of acceptance and love and appreciation and understanding and all of these positive ways towards yourself, it helps. Not only. I'm always like walking in this just like blissful tunnel, like I have days and I have moments that I fall. It's a constant journey, but life is way more enjoyable through body acceptance than when I was just looking for things that I could change.
Speaker 2:I've seen the. It's another. It's like a thing that I've seen on Facebook or Instagram. It's like when you're 70 years old. Don't think back about all the times you should have jumped in the ocean, but you were too scared to wear a bathing suit. Or you should have done this or done that, but you avoided it because of your body. That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1:When I jumped into the dark cave in Mexico on my honeymoon, they called it the rebirth. Did I tell you about this? It was like we went through these dark tunnel things that were. What are they called? I can't remember what they're actually called.
Speaker 1:No, they're not caverns, it's like a tunnel underground. That's water, and then you go through these little hallway things. But anyway, there was a big rock, jump, jump and it was completely black. And he's like this is called the jump of rebirth and it was definitely god just fucking with us, but it really is like you can't see anything. You have to trust that you're going to just land in that water and nope. So he's like I'm going to turn the light off. One, two, three. Geo was the first one that jumped and that's how come? I did it because I was like, but it was one of those things that I'm like, okay, this is gonna be like an experience that you're gonna think back and if you don't just do it, you're gonna regret it so I just did it, before my brain could like process, like oh that's dark, you don't know what's in that water, I would not have.
Speaker 1:I just did it. And that was like I am that bitch, yeah, you know, and I don't think I could have reasoned or not reasoned, but like talked myself through that, if I hadn't already done so much inner work and having confidence in myself. You know what I mean. Like if, yeah, if I was still in that place, that like I didn't like myself, there's no way I would have been able to think that I'm capable of the things that I am capable of, you know, yeah, definitely, I agree.
Speaker 2:I think that you like, definitely you need to do that. I'm capable of the things that I am capable of, you know. Yeah, definitely, I agree. I think that you like, definitely you need to do that work, to be in that place, obviously, but like you. But you also don't want to miss out, like I don't want to miss out on things with my kids because of my body.
Speaker 1:I don't want them to see me doing like like thinking like covering up, or I can't put my bathing suit on, like, yeah, I'll wear the bathing suit. The thing about me is like the thing about me is I'm gonna buy that bathing suit and I'm gonna wear it, I don't care they're home. This was like a super hybrid episode of body positivity and eating disorders yeah, it was. I feel like we didn't give anybody good tips about how to get here. Maybe we can do a blog post date a partner who loves your body?
Speaker 2:no, that's we said not to do that.
Speaker 1:Don't, yeah, don't do that because they're not going to fix all your your problems. So you can't put your shit on other people. You know I was. It was a joke. It was a bad joke, britney. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:They're in the backyard. You might hear them in the background um.
Speaker 1:Do you know how many times I have to mute our simultaneous ums?
Speaker 2:So tips on how to get here, find things that you do enjoy. I said fashion really helped me in the beginning.
Speaker 1:And then, if it's getting your hair done or getting your nails done or finding a new shade of lipstick or I don't know something, that like gives you confidence, the things you do enjoy, and then we'll get into a little bit more of the shadow work side of this. Um, learn to analyze your thoughts instead of, like, judging them. Like, when your thoughts pop up, when do they pop up? When do I start feeling like this? How does this spiral? Where does this affect you know, like, notice yourself and your thought patterns and when they come up, like if you're watching something, you're like oh, I wish my body looked like that, turn it off. You know what I mean. Like, notice, like, okay, so this triggered that thought and now I feel like I have to go run a mile, like, notice those things and work to, to rewire them and don't compare yourself right on the internet.
Speaker 2:Once again, we're gonna say that after every episode.
Speaker 1:Yeah stop, just don't, don't, just don't. Um. Also like affirmations really help, like looking in the mirror and you feel fucking when you first start doing it. You feel dumb. I used to feel so dumb being like, um, that bitch. I used to say this to myself I created, I tried to create merch that said, on that bitch, I actually bought that ein. Um, we could put on that bitch because I own that. On stuff I bought the like what's it called?
Speaker 1:the um trademark trademark no way I think I did, nobody had it and I think I pulled the trigger on it.
Speaker 2:I gotta go find it holy moly.
Speaker 1:That means you can sue other people well what happened was someone released something or put out something that said you're that bitch. And I was like I literally been saying this for the past like three years and I felt offended. So then I went and I, like, bought it for three hundred dollars, do?
Speaker 1:it good, love it anyway. Um, so we'll put that on stuff. But I used to stay on the mirror and be like you're that bitch, you're that bitch, you're that bitch. And that used to make me feel like fucking, oh, I'm going to run through the wall right now, you know, but like find an affirmation that you feel like a man yeah like empowers you and makes you feel good, and it's gonna be.
Speaker 2:The shirt is the kool-aid man.
Speaker 1:I'm that bitch um, sorry, and and like say that, and even if you feel silly doing it, like look yourself in the eye because it gets that like oxytocin, just like good vibes, you know, and like you believe it right, like how you talk to yourself, you really believe it, you do so yeah, knock it off with the negative thoughts for sure I mean it's so much easier to say, but it is like I feel like it might be easier for someone like me, because my brain never shuts off anyway, like it doesn't?
Speaker 1:I'm already exhausted from thinking all the time. Anyway, I might as well do something productive with it. So it's like hyper fixate on it for a while, and I think that's why I progressed through it so fast, because it it was like a hyper fixation. I really did, uh, do it all, um, and was constantly just like, oh, did you notice that? Oh, did you notice that? And I'm really analytical anyway. So, yeah, if you're not super analytical, analyzing your thoughts is probably difficult.
Speaker 2:But yeah, just noticing your triggers.
Speaker 1:You definitely do.
Speaker 2:And probably avoiding the things that make you feel bad about yourself and where you find yourself comparing mostly, and you might feel defensive.
Speaker 1:So if you're feeling defensive, you're in the right spot.
Speaker 2:If you feel defensive about it, if you're uncomfy, yeah, you're in the right spot.
Speaker 1:You know if you feel defensive about it, if you're uncomfy, yeah, you're in the right spot. And just because you go back or fall into certain patterns, it doesn't mean you failed. Like no journey is linear and you're not going to progress consistently yeah, and you can have bad days.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can have days where you are not loving you are human things about your body.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm currently not loving how fucking bloated I am.
Speaker 2:Same, but I'm on like three antibiotics, right now.
Speaker 1:So yeah, ew yeah, your belly is probably a mess. Yeah, all right, so check out our merch, follow us on our socials. Leave a review if you feel called to, because it'll it'll really help us and we'll see you next week. It'll really help us and we'll see you next week. See you next week.