Ever feel like your social life has been hijacked by the demands of parenthood? You're not alone. Ashley and I spill the beans on how we've navigated the treacherous waters of maintaining friendships post-babies. From the seismic shifts in how we party (hint: it's not at the club anymore) to the art of penciling in dates with other adults around nap times and potty training, we get real about the effort it takes to keep your social calendar more exciting than your laundry schedule.
But it's not just playdates and parent-teacher conferences over here. We dive into the quirky dynamics of our families, laughter included. Remember the time when your cousin twice removed showed up at the reunion, and you mistook her for the caterer? We've been there, too! We talk about the joy and chaos of large family gatherings and how these relationships influence our ways of connecting with others, from technologically-challenged phone cleanings to the sibling rivalries that never really go away.
And because we live in a world where ‘unfollow’ is just a click away, we tackle the beast that is digital communication. From the curated facades of social media to the desire for genuine connections in the era of endless scrolling, Ashley and I dissect what it means to cultivate meaningful adult friendships amidst all the noise. Come for the honest chat; stay for the camaraderie—and who knows, you might just be tempted to join our 'Millennial Moms Unfiltered' meetup and find your tribe in person, chaos and all.
https://linktr.ee/millennialmomsunfiltered?utm_source=linktree_admin_share
Ever feel like your social life has been hijacked by the demands of parenthood? You're not alone. Ashley and I spill the beans on how we've navigated the treacherous waters of maintaining friendships post-babies. From the seismic shifts in how we party (hint: it's not at the club anymore) to the art of penciling in dates with other adults around nap times and potty training, we get real about the effort it takes to keep your social calendar more exciting than your laundry schedule.
But it's not just playdates and parent-teacher conferences over here. We dive into the quirky dynamics of our families, laughter included. Remember the time when your cousin twice removed showed up at the reunion, and you mistook her for the caterer? We've been there, too! We talk about the joy and chaos of large family gatherings and how these relationships influence our ways of connecting with others, from technologically-challenged phone cleanings to the sibling rivalries that never really go away.
And because we live in a world where ‘unfollow’ is just a click away, we tackle the beast that is digital communication. From the curated facades of social media to the desire for genuine connections in the era of endless scrolling, Ashley and I dissect what it means to cultivate meaningful adult friendships amidst all the noise. Come for the honest chat; stay for the camaraderie—and who knows, you might just be tempted to join our 'Millennial Moms Unfiltered' meetup and find your tribe in person, chaos and all.
https://linktr.ee/millennialmomsunfiltered?utm_source=linktree_admin_share
Hello and welcome to Millennial Moms Unfiltered. I'm Ashley, I'm Brittany and today we're gonna be talking about how do you keep up your social life as a mom.
Speaker 2:Do you keep up your social life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like what is social?
Speaker 2:What is? What are friends?
Speaker 1:All right, without further ado, let's get into it.
Speaker 2:So you've been a mom for longer than I've been a mom, yes. How has your social life been affected by this? You also dated post-child, so I want to know we'll get into that too, for socializing, the socializing aspect.
Speaker 1:So I got pregnant at 18 and had Eden at 19. My best friend had just had a baby. So she and Eden Is that your goddaughter, my goddaughter? Yeah, so they're like in the same thing. And then me and my best friend, like we're always together because we were in the same situation at such a young age, so it's definitely, uh, so that definitely helped socialize, helped socialize me, yeah, um, and then my mom, we're all in this together my mom really took him a lot whenever I needed to, so then when she got sick, I was like okay, so we're not doing this anymore.
Speaker 1:But then by that point I had already met Gio and was with him, so then he kind of became my life. And then that's when the socialization stopped and that's yeah, no, but you know whatio's like a pretty social person. So then, like, we started like hosting, yeah, um, and that kind of stuff. But now that we have three kids, um, it's a lot harder and everybody's working and doing stuff and it's yeah, it's definitely a lot harder what do you do like currently, as like your social outlets, that this podcast long pause yeah, sometimes, uh, my friend Brittany comes over, we record a podcast.
Speaker 1:Um, I feel like I talk to people. I don't. I feel like I do a lot of like social media, like I talk to people on the phone. I don't in person. I don't have a lot of in person. Um, I don't know if you guys can tell, I don't talk to people in person a lot I go to the doctors a lot when I talk to people between my children and me and my multiple chronic illnesses.
Speaker 1:I go to the doctors a lot. Um, that's really how I feel. I don't know I shot a wedding yesterday and I feel like every time I talked I sounded like, I felt like I didn't know how to talk yeah, but you know what, nobody thinks that, because I used to feel like that too, like I did all my talking like at a camera for a long time, and then it wasn't until um the party planning that I started like people facing.
Speaker 2:I w, I didn't have any people facing business, so I was just like I well, I mean I guess the business with like photography, but I still feel like I don't. I I feel like I am on another planet sometimes. Um, aside from like being awkward and talking to people cause I'm not used to it, socializing this podcast is like the only thing I do. I don't have like a lot of outlets at all.
Speaker 2:I want them, though, but it's so hard to find the time, and I also feel like every time I make plans, when it comes time to do them, I'm like I don't want to do it. So I don't know where that comes from as a mom, yeah.
Speaker 1:I used to give in to that. I used to be like I'm going to cancel, but then I like really forced myself to, even if I feel like it to not, Because most of the time, since I don't socialize a ton once I'm there, I'm glad I went. So that was one of the biggest things that I changed, Like when I do actually have something to do instead of being like oh fuck.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Just like doing it anyway.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've, I've gotten better at forcing myself to do it. I I definitely played into it for a while. Um, I think that kids definitely like Pat and I are both very social. We used to hang out with our friends almost every weekend because we had a big group and the group got smaller and smaller and smaller and more people had kids and we just grew apart from certain people. And then there was some drama, which I will not talk about here, but our group just got smaller and smaller and smaller and people's lives just got busier and busier, and so we probably only get together as like a group two to three times a year now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Which is like considering it used to be at least monthly is kind of sad. But things change and, like I also feel like I'm in my mom era where, like on the weekends, I don't usually make plans with friends because we're doing stuff with the kids yeah, maybe like if my mom can take my mom or my mother-in-law can take the kids at night, we'll do something.
Speaker 1:But for the most part, like we do enjoy doing family stuff, yeah, um, I feel like that's where I'm at too, like because, because of the littles and like I made it a point to, like I had to when I had Eli, I like had to re-get into mom era. Yeah, and I was, because they had such a big Eden and Eli have a six-year age gap.
Speaker 1:So it was like I mean not that Eden was 100% independent, but he was at an age that it was way easier to find a sitter because he knew if my sister was working and she was on the phone. He had to be quiet. You know what I mean. So things like that. And I mean Eli is getting to that point now, eamon's getting to that point.
Speaker 2:We're heading in that direction, but I'm still like it's still hard, yeah, because, yeah, I'm at the same point where you are with the littles, because Killian isn't even in school yet and it just I feel like I'm with children all of the time and I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't really get a lot. And then I think COVID influenced a lot, because everyone got used to doing things alone and not socializing the way we did before and then you get stuck in that and you get comfy in that. So it's like you have to retrain yourself to get out there and I feel like I'm trying to push myself to do that more. Yeah, um, geo also used to have a bigger friend group, but then again during covid and the things, um yeah, we didn't agree with with a lot of people's things and that became like non-negotiables for us.
Speaker 2:So we're kind of like trying to find new places we fit in you know, yeah, yeah, I'm really close to my family also, which is a huge factor.
Speaker 1:Yeah, geo is too. We're really close to his.
Speaker 2:We have a lot of like in the summer. Our summers are filled with like family, yeah, socialization yeah, which is fine. That's great. I do feel like it. It causes my friendships maybe to suffer sometimes, but a lot of my really close friends are like always more than welcome to like come to family stuff. It's up to them if they decide to come, but like we've, my family is pretty like welcoming and open arms kind of thing. So you'll see my birthday party.
Speaker 1:I have no, like my family really doesn't talk.
Speaker 2:After everyone's parents died, we all kind of just like, yeah, which is sad, but like I don't know it's hard, though, like you can't be going back to like friendships, and I mean not to forget socializing, just friendships. It's really hard to maintain friendships, especially if you're going to be the only one putting in any effort. It's too exhausting. So if someone's not reciprocating that, you kind of have to just like.
Speaker 1:I will say that, like with some of my cousin relationships like I, there were points that like I could have done more, but I was also everyone was going through like a traumatic time, like my cousins lost their mom, like two years after I lost both my parents.
Speaker 2:So it was a lot Relearning how to live.
Speaker 1:And then, like another one of my cousins, I talked to his wife sometimes. But like he hates me oh no, I don't know if he actually hates me but like I piss him off, like I rubbed him the wrong way, because I'm loud and I have my stances and thoughts on things, cause you're not a pushover.
Speaker 1:Like yeah, I think that makes him honestly. I know he's really sensitive and I've always kind of rubbed him the wrong way and that's fine. But then now that I'm an adult and have like thoughts on politics and things, he's just like no, and that's fine. Whatever, you're not going to get along with everyone. I would look past that. But some people just can't. Yeah, um, and that's fine.
Speaker 1:So I stand where I stand with my family and that's really like where I am with my family, um, but geo's family, we're really close to his family and he has like just cousins, just like first cousins. There's like 200 jesus christ yes, so they're very, very.
Speaker 2:How many siblings does his mom have?
Speaker 1:a lot of siblings, his mom has nine siblings His grandma had. I'm not even sure it's a high number too. It might be like seven to nine or something. So there's a lot, and everybody his immediate cousins, all have three to four kids. His siblings all have three or four kids. Wow.
Speaker 2:His siblings all have three or four kids.
Speaker 1:He has three siblings. No, fuck, okay. So his he has two sisters, he's three of. He's the third of three, but his sister had her baby like the same time that Gio was born. So, like his nephew. Damien is really like his brother, but is he there the same time that geo was born. So, like his nephew, damien is really like his brother, but it says he, they're the same age, so he's my nephew and sometimes I'll be like you little baby, but he's my age you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's like one of those families that like my um are who they are, but we treat them as if they were.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we have, so my mom is only one of two and my dad this is a whole other episode, but my dad is he grew up an only child, but he does have a long lost sister that we found out about a few years ago. If he's cool, we have just in family.
Speaker 1:We're going gonna have a tea time episode of just family tea, but we're not gonna say names and we're gonna pretend that they were submitted stories yeah, well, I just kind of gave that topic away I mean, but it's not uncommon.
Speaker 2:That's not uncommon. It actually happened to another friend of mine just last year. So, um, but anyway, uh. So he grew up an only child and my mom only has a brother. So I I didn't have a ton of, I only have three first cousins. Well, I have three other. I have three more first cousins from my dad's sister that we found out about, but I only grew up with three first cousins and I'm also the oldest of all the grandchildren and there's a seven year difference between me and the next. Oh, six year difference between me and my cousin Alex, and then my siblings are seven years and then I have another cousin who's seven years, and then another one who's like 12 years younger than me, but all my second cousins, all my mom's younger cousins are all really close in age to me.
Speaker 2:My mom's aunt. So her mom's sister is only six years older than my mom.
Speaker 1:So my mom's aunt and her, they grew up, really grew up really well, not like super close, but my brain hurts when I think about this stuff and I it took me like the first two years me and geo were together. It took me like two years to figure out where everyone was and now I know whose kids are whose. It's hard and like whose aunt and yeah, yeah, I had to like family tree, diagram it in my mind. Yeah, because like his mom, like is close in age with her aunts and it's like that same kind of situation.
Speaker 2:So so, yeah, so my aunt is my great aunt, but she's only six years older than my mom and her daughter, who I'm I grew up very close with, is only she's a year younger than me. So she had, she had her first daughter a year after my mom had me, but my mom had me at 18. Right, so which?
Speaker 1:that's like another level to it. Yeah, I was born really young.
Speaker 2:So I was born really young, she was really young, when I was born. I was a baby when I was born.
Speaker 1:It's not that funny, it's not.
Speaker 2:But someone smoked before they got here Speaking of that we're not.
Speaker 2:Okay, so this episode is about socializing and it's actually turned into like a family tree. Yeah, okay, it's not even my family tree. So I had someone. I had a couple submissions for what people do for socializing as a mom, and one that I really stood out to me is that she said that she sits on the phone for hours with her like best friend, and they like do body doubling cleaning, like, but on the phone, so they just like clean their houses together on the phone and that's how they just talk for hours.
Speaker 1:See, I'm also like the worst though, because, like I will let every phone call go to the voicemail. Like I'm like 60-year-old woman right now.
Speaker 2:Get the answering machine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just like I don't answer. I like let it go to voicemail. Listen to the voicemail. Do I need to call this back?
Speaker 2:I text a lot but like I never think to call anybody to, like I talk to my mom a lot on the phone, yeah, and I'll. I do notice that I clean with her when I'm on the phone. Yeah, I'm really close to my mom and my sister, so that's like another thing, like I'll have girls days with them, so it's like it is socialization.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I'm close to my sister too, but like she doesn't have kids and I like will like bounce things off her and she does like a pretty good job of like, yeah, having thoughts without having kids. But I also like had eden and me and her still live together for the first like two years, so like she gets it to some degree right, um, and then obviously she's really involved in their lives. But like we're just different, like we don't.
Speaker 1:I take her on vacations with me and stuff like that too. Like I love my sister, but is she older than you? She's younger than me and then obviously, like I don't have my mom, so like I don't have that like I just like got used to really doing things alone and then I got stuck in that. So any opportunity I got really good at just not yeah and talking and doing things.
Speaker 2:You know, like I feel like that goes not goes back to COVID, but that's a component of it. Like we got, we all got really used to doing things alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah no, but I was like this even before. Yeah yeah yeah, like I'll go to the store and go to self-checkout and pray nobody talks to me. Or like if I go to a class, I won't make eye contact with anybody at the class, even if it's the same people that go all the time, like the orange theory people yeah, I don't, don't talk to anybody and yeah, it's hard, it's yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 2:I feel like I'm. It's really hard for me to like make new friends. I guess, Because I do that, I avoid people.
Speaker 1:But you're like I also have like everybody's always busy. I have no one else Like how are you supposed to make new friends?
Speaker 2:I mean, I have a lot of friends. I'd like to just hang out with the ones that I have. That'd be cool.
Speaker 1:I don't have a lot, of, a lot of friends, but like see, we met and like we were. When I found out you had kids my age, I was like maybe, maybe Brittany will like me. And then now we hang out every other week.
Speaker 2:I like her, I guess I think that I, like I.
Speaker 1:You're probably the only new friend I've made in the past um, so I, so I put myself in this situation, but it's, it's a I've never had Botox before. I'm testing it out before we we go any further. Um so, yeah, that was weird. I just like tried to smile at the camera and my mom was like and then I also think that, like we kind of of like as a society or like the whole, like stranger danger. Everyone's a fucking serial killer, but yeah, I mean like valid um. So it's like anyone that you talk to in public.
Speaker 1:You're kind of like and then, like if you're the one to talk first, like you're the weirdo you know.
Speaker 2:So it's like if you meet a mom to talk first.
Speaker 1:You're the weirdo, you know. So it's like if you meet a mom at the park and you have like a good conversation, you're like hopefully we see each other again here soon. Because what if she's a fucking weird serial texter that like doesn't leave me alone, or like you know, like you don't know, and it's? We have those kind of thoughts and it's like I don't want to be the fucking creepy one.
Speaker 2:Right, creepy one, right, and I don't need a creepy one, you know. So that's why it's like really hard to to make new friends. Like you just don't know what you're gonna get into and you want to like give it. You want to like give it some breathing, like I feel, like you, I'm thinking about jess, like these are all people that I like made friendships with through business, through business and a lot of communicating on social media. First it's like do you kind of like?
Speaker 1:check people out. It's like when phones and like the internet became like a thing. It like made it weird to make arista marie is that really her middle name or it is okay, um, in-person friends, right, and then like we got rusty at doing it and then. But also it's like it's weird to make friends online and it's like bitch, how are you guys making friends at? Work yeah are you making friends at?
Speaker 2:work. If you don't work, what are you supposed to do?
Speaker 1:because I'm gonna tell you what I make friends at work.
Speaker 2:Hang out with their friends.
Speaker 1:I don't work so like I like when I worked with people, like at an office, like you have to get along with the people and there was like the people that you don't like which you didn't talk to, but the ones you did talk to you would have like work, friend, group things, but it's like then people get treated different at work.
Speaker 1:It's like it's keep it separate yeah, so too I had but then, like if you have your own business, obviously you like, you hire people that you become close with and obviously that you like, and then you have there's a different like. There's not that like hierarchy of people you know what I mean. Like it creates. It's less weird to be friends with people you work with. You know when it's your own business. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And the only hire people that you trust. Like I've worked with several like second photographers, like I'll hire them on at weddings and now I only have like one that I go to now because she's the only one I really vibe with and yeah, and I mean it's hard, especially in a creative space, that if you don't have that vibe with somebody to like create what you need to create, yeah, yeah, definitely so and you could have someone who's like super talented and and takes great pictures, but like they could have the worst personality and like I don't want to work with them.
Speaker 1:That or unreliable, or yeah, has their own process too. So like some people go full Kanye West and then like aren't like that in real life, so a couple other submissions were fitness classes? Yeah, because where people socialize, I make sure not to talk to anybody you're like not me, or I'm just like so nervous I overshare. I haven't overshared, like I can't, I can't, I don't know, it's me, I'm weird, I need to every, okay. So my whole friend group, everybody has ADHD, everybody I get along with has ADHD.
Speaker 2:Like I need you to understand where I'm at because I'm weird, yeah yeah, you can't like, you can't get offended if I say something that maybe I didn't mean to offend you because I can't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't have much of a buffer yeah, no filter here.
Speaker 2:I said something. I like laughed weird at a wedding. One time I was talking to one of the bridesmaids and I laughed at something that she said and she was like, did you just laugh at me? And I was like, not at you. That's not what I meant. I thought it was I don't know. I just found out and I was like, oh shit.
Speaker 1:Now I was 14 and I had to go to court and I was laughing in court because I was so uncomfortable and he was like my wife laughed when she's nervous, so I understand, but that's something you need to like and then like after finding out like it was after that that I got diagnosed with ADHD.
Speaker 2:Which is where the impulsive shoplifting came from. I also experienced that at the age of 14.
Speaker 1:Yeah, shoplifting. Yeah, you got in trouble for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, got caught by the store.
Speaker 1:I was like in the back of the cop car, the cap car, cap car, um, and like took my hand out of the things and I was like, and it's like, take some, adderall bitch, take some adderall, I didn't get arrested, I got my picture taken.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know what's really embarrassing too not embarrassing, but like.
Speaker 1:I got fingerprinted and I'm a type 1 diabetic, so I have a whole bunch of like marks, it's all that. I'm like what do you think I'm shooting heroin into my fingertips, you dick, I'm a diabetic. Oh so add my fucking like authoritative whatever that adhd impulse, being 14 developmentally, where I was at hot mess situation listen, I could have, we could have a whole series of this episode of what it was like in the experience and things that I got myself into at 14, that now, knowing I have adhd and understanding the impulsivity and the the like authoritative issues I have, yeah, I didn't have that makes so much more sense.
Speaker 1:But now, as an adult, I can be like, I can control myself a little bit.
Speaker 2:I didn't have that so much because I definitely had a fear of getting in trouble, like I did not want to get in trouble my thing is, my whole home life was so I it wasn't like it was traumatic.
Speaker 1:I had a traumatic home life, so it was just like that was how I acted out, yeah, and like it wasn't like it was like my mom's fault or anything like that, and it's just like this woman had to come like pick me up and bail me out and yeah, it was just like I made her life so hard and I feel I carry a lot of guilt about that stuff with my mom, that like I was such a dick and as a parent, I'm just like, oh man, I'm so guilty about, I feel so guilty, I carry so much guilt about that stuff.
Speaker 2:That's's a whole other episode too, now that we are making lists of episodes, that we will do.
Speaker 1:Yeah currently, just today, the amount of episodes that we can now do. I'm going to go back to socializing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go back to socializing. Some other ones were book club.
Speaker 1:Book club, see, and you added me to one of those like Facebook group. I don't, mom, and I don't do it though me either.
Speaker 2:I ignore all of the posts and I don't pay attention to any of it. I have turned off all the at everyone notifications for every fucking group I'm in because I can't do it anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I'm getting notifications and here's the weird thing is like okay, but as people that own our own businesses and are doing our own things, like we have to like do those kind of things and with even for oh, 100.
Speaker 2:I don't mind if they're groups that I like enjoy being a part of, but there are groups I forgot I was a part of right.
Speaker 1:And then they just like come up randomly and, like you, you turn the notifications off and then all of a sudden you get a new one. You're just like yo, where was this one? Um, but like then I have like I feel weird, because sometimes I'm just like, oh, there's so many notifications, I don't want to comment on stuff. But I'm like guys comment on our shit. Yeah, hey, at everyone, buy our merch, it's a catch 22. It's so it's a weird place to be because it's like you know why they do it, but I also have to do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I think it's different from being Totally fine. But then there are those people who will, like, take me out of your group and like, don't do the at everyone. Like people will bitch about it. Like I understand where it comes from, I'm not going to bitch about it. I know why you're doing it.
Speaker 1:Those are the same kind of people that will like comment on like that maximalist decor thing and be like I'll paint. I would have painted my walls this color instead it's like the same kind of people, people on social media um, it's you take out the in-person thing, like I feel like, okay, I have enough experience that I feel like I can message people or comment back on something and stuff like that from a business standpoint. It's gave me like the balls, so to speak, to do those kind of things.
Speaker 1:Yeah but, it's also given, just like people that aren't running businesses and having those kind of connections to not have the filters.
Speaker 2:These people who say these things nine out of 10 times would not say it in person to someone's face. Like I would not walk in someone's house and be like ugh the color on the walls, not my style. It's because you're inviting people in, so to speak social media, you know what I mean into your house. I wouldn't say that, right, I know.
Speaker 1:I'm the same kind of way, the same thing, like I just can't imagine doing certain things unless someone said what do you think of this?
Speaker 2:unsolicited advice and opinions is not necessary okay.
Speaker 1:So you went to a group class, whatever, and you're like, hey, get along whatever. And then you find out like in person you vibe. But then you find a comment on a group that you guys somehow became mutually into that she was one of those commenters. I wouldn't be, her friend anymore. Isn't that a scary thought, though, to think about, like because?
Speaker 1:if you're that kind of someone so well and in life, but then on social media how they act is so different from who they are in life. It's like, yeah, you can't trust that person, right, and that's like another layer cyber bullying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like another layer to like making new friends today yeah, um, but I think if you're a bully in on the internet, that's like who you are in real life you just don't have the balls to do it in real life right, that's what I'm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't trust that person. I wouldn't be able to trust that person either, I mean, and then you have to come to the to the thing like okay, since I do analyze my own thoughts and I'm doing my own on learning and I understand myself so well, can I get this person to convert? Not convert, but like have those? That's like another reason why it's really hard for me to make friends, Because I'm like I am pretty self-aware and like I notice things and like try to fix things within myself that like if I have someone that's just like not like that it's so hard to like get past that I forgot where I stopped.
Speaker 2:I think it's just like can you correct people?
Speaker 1:I think I was going to say like Would you try to have that conversation Like hey, I noticed you made that comment. I probably not.
Speaker 2:I don't like confrontation, See I used to be and I wouldn't really feel like it would be productive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I used to get into a lot of fights in my youth or arguments, even up to like relatively recently, like I'm an understander and I want to understand, and like that's not useful in some cases, like you can't always like get people to like see different perspectives and stuff. So I wasted a lot of time having conversations with people that were just never going to come there and I think I've gotten a little bit better at gauging like who's open to it.
Speaker 2:But like, if I vibed with someone really well in person and I didn't really get that from them in person, I'd be like, hey, maybe, I guess I guess it would depend on the level or like the closest of the relationship, because, like, I feel like I can talk to pat about something if we disagree on it. I feel like we can have like a mature conversation about things, but I don't. But our views are not like crazy different crazy different.
Speaker 2:Anyway, it'll be like a matter of opinion or perspective about, like, literally, things you can have opinions about, not things about like like facts.
Speaker 1:We don't argue about facts. Feelings are not facts and data is not feelings. And you have to also be able to like we talked about this before that you have to. If you're feeling uncomfortable or you feel defensive, you're in the right spot. It's the same thing when you like read something and you're just like damn, this says it was done by a study, and I can tell that the study is legit. Yeah. And I'm offended by this.
Speaker 2:You need to. You can't be offended by it. Yeah, you can't be offended by it. Yeah, you can't be offended by that. I mean no, you can.
Speaker 1:You cannot like what it says, but you have to be able to be like you have to be able to accept it. My view or what I thought was actually wrong and it's been proven. So I have to like yes, move on past that, and that's really hard to do. It is so. It's not like the norm.
Speaker 2:You can't like expect people to like change their thoughts and opinions or what they thought about things, because you know I've been disappointed by people, like in my real life, that have ended up having significant differences of opinions about things.
Speaker 1:And I'm just like.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't want to be really involved with this person anymore I, me and geo, both we lost a lot of people in the past four years because of things that we realized that we didn't realize we had different thoughts on, because we never openly talked about um, and then once we did, we were like oh, oh and, and recently someone has come back um and we were kind of mending things and I think that we both handled things differently and it's going to have to be a conversation at some point. But maybe that's a friendship I can mend. But when we have that conversation we'll find out, you know.
Speaker 2:Having quality friendships as an adult and as a mom and realizing as you're getting older and maturing and realizing your non-negotiables and realizing, like, what's important to you, what's valuable to you, like where those values lie and the differences lie between these people. Like it's hard, it's really hard, to maintain like what you and like I have friends who I absolutely adore. We've been friends since we were in middle school, elementary school, and we have differences of opinion, not to the severity, but there are some things we just don't even talk about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there are things that you just like know is off the table or whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But, like that's another thing that I only want to be surrounded by a certain quality of people, and the quantity does not matter, but I need to know like I need to know where you are on certain things yeah, and if and I won't be able to get past it if you're not willing to expand your thoughts on it. If you stonewall me on certain topics, I we can't, we can't, and that's really important to me.
Speaker 2:Some people don't take, I feel like certain things very seriously, or it's, it's not one of their like I feel like our generation, or like people, other women, our age, there's like a divide, like there are people who are still like stuck in their early 20s and everything's very surface um, and they just want people to like go out with or drink with or party with, and those are generally the people you don't have friends, I mean you don't have kids when you're still at that stage and like I want someone no but there are some people that have kids and are still kind of they're very surface.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're very surfacy and I don't I and it's like I can't, I've given up, like I've noticed a real shift. Like pat, like pat, pat likes to talk shit, he loves to talk shit. I like he likes to talk shit for no reason.
Speaker 1:Like, oh I, I like he'll like talk shit about something that, like, he doesn't like like I like to gossip a little bit too, but like I also will be like I kind of understand why that person did that. Like I I don't do it to be like go tell everybody that you know, but it's like yeah, we have our tea sessions and like we expand on those things oh yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Oh, did you hear about? That's different. No, pat will just basically like this person's a piece of shit because I don't agree with this thing. That really has no effect on my life. I'm guilty of that and I get so mad at him in the past I would say in the past, but I move past it like but while I'm saying it I'm like fuck that person, they suck.
Speaker 2:But then I'm like you're being the same kind of asshole yeah, you know well, I call, I've called him out on it a lot and I'm like dude, can you not? I feel I I've reached a point where I want, if someone's talking badly about me, I don't want to be friends with them, and if someone's not, if someone's in a room and like talking shit about me and saying negative things about me and being like, oh, why is Brittany doing this? Or blah, blah, blah, I don't want to be friends with those people. So I have now said, like, if I'm not being like if someone mentions my name and someone's like, oh, I love her, oh, this or oh, she's this or she's that, if you don't feel that way about me, then don't be in my life.
Speaker 1:Or at least if something happened and you talk to shit, but whatever, if it's in like a mutual friend group or whatever, don't do it to like random ass people. Like no, don't do it to random ass people, but like we need to have a conversation.
Speaker 2:You have a. If you have a feeling about something I did, don't just sit around and be like this person's a piece of shit, but I'm gonna be nice to their face, right? I don't like that and I've reached up I am guilty of. I have done it. I have talked shit about people. I don't want to do it anymore and I don't do it anymore and I'm super conscious of it like I don't talk shit about people that your feelings are valid, everything it's valid, but how, what you do with those feelings, is not always valid.
Speaker 1:So yeah, you're, you're acting like an asshole, you're being a dick. You need to address that like if you're mad about something or something hurt you, it it's fine. But let's talk it out, let's have a conversation adult friendships are so difficult because you have the people that have reached that emotional maturity and then you have people that are nowhere fucking there it's like are you 12 right?
Speaker 2:like it's so bad and not everyone can get there, you know, and there's also the people who get like entirely offended if you don't, if you don't invite them to everything, or you don't have a relationship with them or you're not reaching out to them constantly and like I know that I feel like I used to feel like that too.
Speaker 1:I used to get really like offended if I wasn't. But it's like now.
Speaker 2:I know that when I was younger, when none of our friends had kids. But I think, as we've all gotten older and and created families that have become our priority. It doesn't mean that I don't love you, it doesn't mean I don't want to be your friend. It means I literally don't have the fucking time right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and like, especially for like parties or inviting people to certain things, it's like I, only it's expensive. Like our wedding was like okay, so geo's family I told you the first cousins were like the 200 in that realm. We had 46 people. On my side I had literally three guests. Yeah, on his side was the rest of his family. So that to them was like yeah, how the fuck are we not? Like it's 130 per plate? Yeah, it's like we have money, we're okay, but like those kind of things, it's like now I understand. Like, okay, I used I was upset that I wasn't invited to this person's wedding or whatever. But after having done like those kind of parties or birthday parties where they have minimums at certain places or whatever, I get it yeah, you know so like I know, I feel different.
Speaker 2:I think people just need to. We're getting a little bit off topic, but as far as like your friendships, you need to be a little bit more um understanding.
Speaker 1:It's not always a direct attack?
Speaker 2:it's not yeah, yeah, don't take everything, so personally and try to under, try to understand where they're coming from and not everyone is like super open about their struggles. Like people I've been having physical struggles for like since I had Killian, like a lot of physical health stuff and mental health stuff. Like I've been slowly coming back from postpartum for three years and ADHD has gotten worse and I'm not medicated.
Speaker 1:Like and then people who don't understand that just like from the outside are looking and they don't understand and that's another thing that, like most of my friends that are like my close friends, have ADHD or have ADHD and chronic illnesses, because I need people to understand, like I'm not trying to be a dick Like I need you to understand like Gio doesn't have any of these things and he has a healthy body and he doesn't have any pre-existing conditions.
Speaker 1:So sometimes I'm like, listen, I know that, like I perform at a very high level, but even when I'm performing at that high level, I don't always feel good and that's mentally taxing, it's physically taxing Pat and I have had the same conversation.
Speaker 2:So like, even though you can't tell like right now that I'm suffering, I am suffering Right, or struggling, not suffering so much.
Speaker 1:That's it's hard to keep up relationships. That's another aspect of it that makes it difficult to connect with new people, because if they're not going through somewhat of the same thing, it's hard for them to get it. Yeah Right, so that's another layer of it's hard to socialize.
Speaker 2:It is I'll do a couple more things that people mentioned. Some people just said coffee dates like commitment to like monthly or biweekly coffee dates.
Speaker 1:That's something I've tried to start or try to like keep up, but again it's so hard to keep up with, especially people that have like revolving schedules, that like are always changing Dynamic schedules, I guess I should say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's hard, i't like. I feel like like we do this every two weeks and that's a commitment and even that, like we have to fluctuate because our we don't know what our like may is insane for me, like we had to plan pods for the next like month and a half, just to make sure that we have the dates because like it's and we still do need to get in extra episodes, but we just keep.
Speaker 2:It's just so hard. I have some um, I mentioned it before my sister's maid of honor may alone. I have like four things to do with her in may.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god, okay, and it's fun things, but it's also it's just hard, especially when you have adhd and the planning and plus mother's day, plus my birthday, plus memorial day weekend, plus we have a wedding to go to right. May is really crazy for us too, for birthdays and it's a lot yeah so that's the other thing, like there are some seasons that are crazier than others, I'm sorry the holidays for my family insane. It's so hard to squeeze any socialization in around them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like with friends, because I'm doing so many things with my family I mean, yeah, friends, socialization is is difficult and especially when you have the big family, like it ends up being that's your socialization. But then there's some. I mean like we get along whatever, we have good family, but it's just like getting together with people that are outside of that dynamic or whatever. It's still so important and it's just.
Speaker 2:There's also. There's also the component of like you don't get. If you're in a relationship and you have a partner who is willing to help you out and you can have time with your friends, that's great. But if you don't have someone who is willing to do that, or even if you Just don't, have, or if you're alone and don't have backup for childcare. That's really hard. That's a whole other. Yeah, that's a whole other thing.
Speaker 1:And then and it's like, yeah, you can have your friends over or whatever and there's kids around, but it's like that's still. I mean, you're socializing but it's not the same as getting away. Like a part of the socialization aspect as an adult, I feel like is to be away from yeah, you need time for yourself well, and then there's also like giving enough time and attention to your partner.
Speaker 2:So, like sometimes Pat and I will struggle with like do we want to get a sitter for a date night or do we want to get a sitter for our friend's night and have like our group together? And it's like most of the time, we prefer date night because we don't have time together.
Speaker 1:So it's like there's another component of where, like, you may not see your friends as often because, you're choosing again your family or your partner, me and geo have gone to, even recently because of, like the podcast, and my focus has been growing this and and the merch and all that stuff. And then now where the kids are on different schedules and eden has so much going on that he we have like check-ins, like, hey, I still love you. I obviously like explicitly, I always say that I can't say that word. We'll be like I just don't have, unless you're telling me exactly what you need.
Speaker 1:I don't have the mental capacity to try to figure out what I can do to make you feel loved and I don't want you to not feel loved, but I just don't have it in me right now to try to figure it out. So if you say, hey, I need you to do this. Hey, can you put your phone down, can we cuddle, can we do this? Okay, but I need you to vocalize that because normally I can do these little things to make you feel loved, speak your love language, language, but I don't have the capacity right now yeah, so we have those check-ins because us having schedules that change and someone having more things to do, you can miss each other on communication.
Speaker 1:So we've had to. There's been a couple of times where we've just like are we getting a divorce? Because you know, because we're just not communicating, and then when we talk everybody understands.
Speaker 1:So you have to like not let your brain get to the crazy place yeah just like hey, I know you might be feeling whatever, but I just don't have the capacity. And like again with friendships, like having friends that understand what that's like and not having to be like you haven't texted me in three days. Do you hate me? Yeah, you know, like, and that's another thing maintaining relationships in general as an adult is exhausting.
Speaker 2:It is, and I and you bring the ADHD component into it. If I read something and I'm in the middle of it, I and I don't answer it. I'm probably never going to answer it, or it's going to be days or weeks Like. I try to not check my messages unless I'm in a place where I can answer it because things go unanswered all the time.
Speaker 1:It's so bad Sometimes I'll pre-read it just to see if it's important or not, but not actually click on the text, so that if I open my text messages, the notification is still there.
Speaker 2:It's just hard. Adult friendships, adult socializing is really hard. I think that joining clubs or finding hobbies that you're interested in or trying new things is like great opportunity for that and that kind of goes along with some self-care yeah, but I'm feeling like we should create like a millennial moms unfiltered group.
Speaker 1:I've thought about doing like even live recordings, where people tune in live and we can like answer questions live and like stuff like that, or just different meetups.
Speaker 2:I was thinking like seeing if we want to do like a millennial mom meetup.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're like we can meet other moms and maybe do socializations or I don't know yeah, I think, yeah, we're, I think we're pretty like it's called millennial moms, but I think the topics we talk about are pretty like niche, so like if you listen to us, you probably are gonna be, you're gonna know you're gonna to know you're going to be our people you know.
Speaker 1:So that's another helpful thing, because sometimes it's like meeting somebody at a workout class or whatever, like yeah, you like to work out, but beyond that it's kind of yeah, like what else do we have in common and how are we going to figure it out in this class?
Speaker 1:But you know if you're our people or not, because if you listen, you know our stances on a lot of things. So, yeah, that's a good idea. We should start working on that. Me, three projects behind Me, also three projects behind. Okay. Well, you know, leave us a review, let us know if you want to do a meetup. Yeah, bye, bye.